Roller Coaster

How is you life like?
Mine has been uneven
Sometimes up sometimes down

Have you ever taken a roller coaster?
That is how my life has been
Sometimes heaven, sometimes hell

Have you ever watch a movie
It depicts my life
Sometimes good sometimes bad

What about your sleep?
How has it been?
Mine has been sometimes peaceful, sometimes disturbing

So what is routine about my life?
Waking up at the same time everyday
Going through the same motion in life
Sleeping at the end of the day

Is that a routine?
Or is that life simplistic view?
What is wrong with life?
When no one is happy with the roller coaster

Sick Joke!

Pissed
Is that an understatement?
Indeed it is!

Angry
Is that too much?
Gee, who cares!

Throwing words because of frustration
Is that valid?
To hell I care!

Excuses
Do I take it?
I don't know!

Irritated
Is there a cost to it?
Yes, especially when you felt used!

So piss off!
JOKERS!

Work

I am depressed
With what I heard
Though I foresee the chances
Though it may not be that bad
It saddened me nevertheless

I have nothing against anything
Just that I'd rather not be among those
Who drive themselves crazy

I have no wish to have work take over my life
I have no plans to make work my life
I have no desire to forgo my life for work
I have no intentions for all that!

I see depression settling in
I feel immense pressure
Can I say no without any repercussion?

For every bad day...

For every bad day,
There will be a good day for you!

This is what my kid friend, Vish (you agreed to that nick Vish) said once when I was complaining about a series of bad day. And true enough, after a downfall of bad days, a good day came. Everything went the way I wanted them to be. Everything went smoothly, without me complaining about a single thing.

Anyway, the last few days have been hell for me....things have not been going my way. Been having bad dreams, been sick, was getting angry in school....all in a series...and kinda tired...so now I am thinking...when is the one good day coming....please good day come soon....coz I am rather torn rite now...maybe first of all...I need to visit the doctor...probably I have been feeling terrible these days partly because I have not been feeling well....been down with a flu....blame this on Julian....off coz...haha.And since saturday, been feeling sick on and off. And me...off coz...refusing to visit Mr Doctor...gonna visit Mr Doc soon when I am not better....darn...there my money will fly away.

WHY??

Misery,
Came crumbling back
With no signal
You entered my life
Made me ramble
Incapable

Misery,
With an increasing anger
Without any end
With the troubles
THE SHACKLES

And this time,
Misery...
Came with a sharp pain
Will finally succumb to it?

Should I stay or run away?
Escaping is pointless
Surrendering is the only solution
With all the troubles!

No, stay strong!
Fight till the end.
Stay in focus!
Coz end is near.

Will see them proud
Will be standing tall
Amongst the crowd
Be a stronger better person.

One lost, A new friend found

Have you ever realised that people come and go in our life? We build friendship today, and we may lose that friendship or probably the circumstances change the friendship...it may be shortlived or there is a change of mode within a short span of a few months. This month alone, 2 nice friends left the country for good, seeking for new life adventures. One will eventually come back...the other, I dunno.

So the point is, do we treasure the friendship we have with people around us, or do we take them for granted? For the friend I may not meet anymore, we exchange emails and other modes of communication, for the other, yeah,...the phone...but with friends far away, will the friendship be as strong, dunno.

This made me thinking about the friendships I build with people around me. Those who are still here, those whom I am still very much in contact, I am going to make sure I make a point to contact them at least once a while, and even if we may not have time offline, we can always chat online and check how each of us are doing. So whatever friendship I have built, to whoever is concern, I SHALL TREASURE YOU!

School holidays

Well...you may have thought,,,chool hols....free days...enjoyment...on the contrary...it was tiring, and I am dead beat. Yes, I dont have to teach, no school...no need to wake up at 530 am. But I had so much more work. Gosh, never knew a maid's life is super miserable. I had to handle everything at home since my maid is away for a short break home. Gosh, its definitely not easy, to stay home and do housework and all those stuff related to the home. It is tiring. Now I wld definitely appreciate my maid better. She is definitely efficient. And who says cooking is easy, so tiring to clean up after coooking, any takers to help me clean up?You may get free meals, the food i cook, if u dare to eat them off coz...haha

Signs

In the midst of the day
Wishing
For moments when I am venturing the dreams

But the dream is drained as the day passes
Sounds of laughter is no longer an excitement
Mission in life is lost
Meanings of life has become invalid

The blue ocean
Which was once a beauty
Has fade away
With the grey sky

A sign
For the twist of life

But amidst the gloom
A smile emerge
Its a telltale of the future?
In the middle of the dead sea

Discovering a life
Fighting to keep afloat
A reflection
From the dark moon
Is that a fight for life?

Road to Salvation

Spent hours thinking
About yesterday, today and tomorrow
What have I done to myself?
What are the morals I put forth?

Would my future be bleak?
Will the sparks of sunlight finally be seen?
Will will darkness dense my life further?

Is this the reflection of myself?
Soaring, thundering
With no future ahead
Is that bad?
Why?

So what if its over?
It doesnt mark the end of life
Only begins a new chapter
With a clean page

Am I mad?

No I am not enraged
No I am not angry
No I am not crazy
No I am not mad

Why should I be upset?
Why should I be irritated?
Why should I be displeased?
Why should I be annoyed?

I am just stupid
I am just dumb
I am just ignorant
I am just dullard

I am so because I seek for trouble myself
I am so because I never learn my lesson
I am so because I keep asking to be hurt
I am so because all these are avoidable.

Winter's tale

The winter
Trembling in cold
No where to hide
No shelter to seek

Helpless
Deserted
Once happy...
Now bitten.

Moments

Going down again,
Falling.
Not handling it.
Smiles though the sufferings...

Stll laughing in between cries
The avalanche that never ends
Manageable? Continue? Finish it?

Even with countless pain
So which path?
At lost...
No solution
Seeing a sad ending

Life

Thought I am strong
But I am weak
Presumed life is progressing
But it is worsening

If it is suppose to be better
Why is it going down?
If it is happiness
Why is the tears?

Since when is life ever good?
Since when life is ever pleasant?
One could lie,
But for how long?

If only life can stay as it was
If only life doesnt move
Probably life could be better
Probably there will be more smiles

Now a smile is even hard
For there isnt any reason to
No more...
Since life is a monotone

Changing it is a fluke
Removing it is a forbidden
Which road then one heads?
Since its the crossroad is skewed

Inspired by Le Grande Voyage

As the journey is far and wide
I need you as my guide

You sure your mind is right?
You do know its hell of a ride?

I know its not easy,
But God is with me

Sometimes I think you are crazy
But I just have to let you be

Your task is easy
Just to drive me

Im not being a woozy
But the thought makes me hazy

Just let her stay
I dont see her stray

I'd rather keep her at bay
Then let her lead the way

Dont listen to him
He doesnt seem honest

You and your wimp
He could be a bonus

Why do you ahev to give
When we dont have our dough

Im sure we will live
After giving her the doe

We are here finally
Your wish did come true

I doubt I will see the end
But I shall not runt

Get your bus
Shall await for your return,
That I must

Why dont you reply
You are not even coming back
I scream and shout,
BE BACK!
Cut the act!

Oh no!
My worst fear is here!

I learnt a thing or two
Throughout this journey with you
I see the jab
Of the generation gap

I used not to care
Now you made me aware
IF ONLY YOU ARE STILL HERE
I would have care for you my dear
FATHER!

You

With you...
I see darkness, tears, pain
With you...
I see a broken dream

Yet, with you...
I feel ecstatic, gladness comfort
Yet, with you
I feel endless happiness

But why do I feel hurt while rejoicing
But why complications in the joy

It is endless misery in a bliss
A pain in pleasure

Wounded

Why the hell did I lose again?
Darn, I knew I will fail!
I know I have the lethal key
Would I use it?
No, I wont

Would I want to ruin and hurt
The already wounded?
No!
By hurting the fallen
I hurt myself
But do I care about myself?
NO!

What I want is not to injure the wounded heart
Especially one that I care
Never today, tomorrow, ever
By hurting you, I hurt myself the greatest!

Reflective Mode

Are you a fool?
Who the hell you think you are?
I know I'm no superwoman
I can deal it myself

You think you are doing well?
Your reasonings are ridiculous
I will if everyone stop asking
I will deal it myself!

How the hell are you solving it?
You don't even have a clue
I am already in the midst of it
I know I can do it!

Is self-destruction your resolution?
That is never a solution!
That is never the part of the plan
And I know I need to settle it myself!

A dot

A dot
First a drop
The spot expands
Grow into an atom

A dot
A droplet
And tt spreads
Like a mite

A dot
A piece
Stump on its own
With a great pinch

A dot
A dent to the being
Marks the conclusion
Creates a finality

A dot
The stroke
Keeps to a standstill
Marks the end

Reflection

The ill-fated life
Image that dampens
Longing for a smile
Towards endless happiness

A dejection
Remorse appearing
Running through the souless
Falling into agony
Through immense anger
Losing perspectives

Amidst the cold stares
Images of despondency
Glaring life harshness
Scowling of loneliness
Woeful and wounded

The Trip to Singapore Post

I didnt know such a simple trip to evoke so much emotion. Hillarious, fuming mad, in awe, well...all the emotions combined I suppose. When I first saw the line at 930 am, I was devastated...blimey...such a long queue...its gonna be an extremely long wait..Im sure I will be late for my tuition...but what to do...I have to pay my mum's bill...so no choice...I waited and waited...gosh...it was extremely slow now its already 15 minutes to 10 am and I m still far behind the queue...thinking...about the time I could start teaching...or the extra sleep I could have gotten had it not been for this..then suddenly, an old auntie in green came right in front of the queue...she created a comotion when she jumped the queue...the people behind her made a lot of noise...so old auntie had no choice but to walk away...then out of the blue...she came lining up behind an old uncle...the old man just kept quiet...I was behind the old man...had it been me sometime ago...I would have argued or told her off...but now...me in my can't be bothered mode...just kept quiet.

Then I heard a baby crying...boy...the kid was a nuisance...he was crying so loudly, it pissed me off...but again...I just kept quiet and endured the nonsense. What I saw then was this frantically looking guy...I suppose the dad of the kid trying to pacify him..wow...he was so calm yet so stressed...eventually the kid kept quiet after the dad gave him the pacifier...thank god...finally..peace...BUT...nooo....this old man came and suppose to get a parcel I suppose...but he couldnt get it...and was arguing with the staff at SingPost...though it was impressive the way the staff handle him...I was annoyed by his stubborness...eventually a guy explained to him in dialect...and the noisy uncle went off...without his parcel..and that was about the time when it was my turn to pay the bill at 1010 am abt half an hour of waiting...its tiring...but I dont have a choice do I...bills bills bills...but actually, this waiting made me learn some important aspects such as patience, tolerance and many other craps...those that Ive lost along the way...and now I am aware I have them still. So not that bad!