Happy New Year

To everyone I know...and to those I don't but read my blog...I wanna wish all of you the Happiest New Year. Have a great 2006, better and even more lievelier than what 2005 have offered you. But above all, have a wonderful health and take care always, of yourself and people around you.

Nina aka Zar aka Zazarbie aka Ina Ze aka...Watever you people call me, always remember...many of you have touched my life and made it better than what it was..especially some of you...I suppose you know who you are, those who were there for me thru my difficult and happy times...love you all always...and God Bless you! HAPPY NEW YEAR again!

Love
Nina

Cold Turkey

I know it will be hard
I know it will take great endurance
I know I may even fail
I know the road is long

But I know I will try my best
But I know I will suffer lesser now
But I know I am capable of it
But I know with this I will emerge stronger

So I will go through it
Cold turkey it is!

Story of Life

Life teaches you alot of things
It teaches you the secrets within ourselves
It teaches you the beauty of others

However, life is never smooth
It will always be full of hick ups
WIth new beginnings, there is always an end
When something ends, you should never cry over it
Instead smile that it happened
Smile that the experience has taught you the meaning of life

With all the ups and downs,
You will learn better of the lesson in life
Though sometimes...
These lessons hurt deeply
You should always know that no one...
Only you can hurt yourself the deepest

So in order to go through life experiences
You must always be strong
The hurt will also be lesser
As long as you look ahead and forgo yesterday's pain

The hurt may be painful today
But tomorrow or the day after
The wound will heal
So you should never be afraid to feel the hurt
As only through these agonies
Will you learn the meaning of life

Sleep

Could one sleep and forget his sorrow
If so...
Could one sleep and not wake up
Since one can't be awake and feel happy

Is being happy even possible in one's life
"Maybe to the lucky few"
One would say
Not to many sad souls

To those hopefuls
One could only wish
That life is not too depressing
Thats the best one could wish for!

Live today as if there is no tomorrow

What is happening to me now?
What will happen to me in ten years time?
Well, I do not wish to see myself that day

Have you ever wish to live it short
But happy?

I do...
Every single day

I do not want more tomorrows
Since today can make me truly happy
I will be happier to live today with no tomorrow

Why would I want tomorrow to come
It is just a reminder for me
A reminder that I want it to end...
Tomorrow I mean

Unwanted Friendship

I guess I am no longer a friend
I deduce it could have been something I said
I speculate it could have been something I did
I assume it could have been my mistake
I believe I am no longer regarded as a friend
I feel though probably it is not fair for me not to know the reason
I predict I will never get an answer

I think this is it
I suppose you didnt care about the friendship anymore
I conclude that maybe I was never regarded as a friend in the first place

Picnic

The last two days I did some fruitful stuff to lose some fats...I am super fat now..it is stressing me up. Firstly I went blading for the second time. My first instructor was Vincent. He must have had enough of blading after that..haha...not a good student. Yeah, I will ask him one of these days how bad a student I was. Hehe..so my next instructor was Jujubie.

And believe it or not, this woman can really blade. She even made a swiftful turn superbly well. And according to this instructor of mine, its a good start for me..dunno if she was just being nice...are you ju? Well, nevermind. It was really tiring though. Ju kept telling us, Mas and I..you should try to glide, dont walk with the blades and dont be afraid to fall. Gosh Ju, dont be afraid, when I saw you fall, I was afraid. Gee..dunno when my next lesson will be and who will be the unfortunate instructor, but I will definitely keep trying till I master the skill.

Well, thats day 1 of my adventure at the beach. The next day, we went to the same beach again, planning to go there for a picnic. However, sadly, it did not happen again...there were only 3 of us...what to picnic...hehe...the rest of them had their own agenda so we continued despite the fact that it was just the 3 of us. It shouldnt be that bad...so when we reach Bedok, while waiting for Mas, I was super hungry. And yes I did eat, and did not nibble on my food. So after we ate, we headed for the beach. And what we did, Ju blade (thats when she had her big fall...it must have hurt terribly, it sounded painful) and Mas and I cycled. And Mas, oh my god, cycled like a mad queen. She was so fast and it was tiring...but I had a good time, must have lost some calories there...and though we did not have a picnic in the end..I ahd so much fun on both days with these two friends of mine...The Twiggies...hehe.

If only

If only I could go away
I would go far
If only I could run
I would go the end of the earth
If only I could hide
I would go to a hidden garden

Since I can't do all of those
I shall stay
Since I can't achieve my aim
I shall stay in my dreams
Since I can't trust myself
I shall fake this life

Down

Seeing the downhill again
Foreseeing a slump
Fearing the days to come
Wondering what is wrong with the life
Hoping for the better

Imagining anger on everyone
Visualizing pain deep within
Trying hard to ignore it
Failing miserably to strive
Willing to try even more

Focussing the best in life
Doing whatever possible to avoid the tide
Drowning sadly even with the effort
Apologizing early if ever offensive
Thinking probably this could be the end

Tried

I've been trying to stay away
I know it will just worsen the condition
But one can only hope
And that I did
But everyday it worsens
Every single minute I felt weaker
The body ache even more with every tick of the clock
I am beginning to feel worried
I should be fine by now
Why is it worsening
So I did what my friends told me
Well, am I better now?
I can't say I am
But I am definitely going to get better

Well...its me and doctors. Just hate them. Had no choice today since I have been having sleepless nights because of the flu for the whole week. So finally today, went to the doc. And yeah, I went blading again today, my second attempt at blading. Hopefully by my third attempt, I can glide. Oh ya, I went blading even when I am sick. I don't care. Feel worst when I coop myself at home. Feel sicker than sick so the blading helps, though only God knows how my body aches rite now...nevermind. Ive taken my medicine so hopefully I'd be better tomoro

Life

Ive been in and out of it now
Some days, I have to creep in pain
Its excruciating
Other days, life is normal
Like the pain is never there

I have had it with this life
Always feel like ending it all
I have had it with the pain

But my head keeps telling me
I can't hurt those who care
Though not many I am sure
If they are hurt
Wouldn't my pain be worst

So for them, if not for me
I shall keep strong and be brave enough to face life
No matter how bad it is gonna be
My loved ones is always with me

New Love?

Yesterday was a lot of fun. I accompanied Ju to show her friends around Singapore. Off course I felt guilty as I couldnt help her out on Saturday as I already had a prior appointment. So to make that up, I went with her to show her friends around. These guys (2 of them) are very nice people, and initially I kept asking ju "Hows their English like? Can you understand what they say?" It will be too tiring to decipher what they are trying to say. So off course that info was very important for me. Haha...ya ya...evil me! But yeah, both of them speak excellent English and very nice people.

So what we did? Well like a true blue Singaporean..hehe...I was promoting Singapore. We went to places in town as they want to see place where Singaporeans go to chill. We went to Padang, Esplanade, off coz the famous 'Durian', library (Ju was shocked when I told her one of them wanna see the library). Off coz I told him the library looks nice and he was fascinated of the fact that the library was actually that high.

Oh ya, yesterday, we had another extremely heavy lunch with a lot of meals on the table. It was scary to see the amount of food on the table. And yes, in order to avoid getting pissed with the amount of food on the table, I chatted with one of them, asking him about his country and the people and stuff. Off coz, they both (including Ju) had to observe the way I eat. And I do eat okay. These people kept saying I am nibbling my food, which is super untrue as I did eat. Then we continued our journey and again in the evening I ate..off coz Ju, who claimed she wanna share the food, barely touched the food. So I had to eat at least half of what was on the plate.

Oh ya...new love of my life..the story started like this. Ju had to tell them that I insisted I am Malay though I am not. So off coz they had to tell me. "Well, you look more like us than Ju does". Ya ya, watever. So Ju, the moment she saw this insisted that I take a picture. So ya, my new found love, "Mr Black"...hahaha...so goodbye Mackey (you would who is Mackey from my previous notes).

Try

I am trying to hide from the truth
I am in denial
I am excluding the fact
I am feigning ignorance

I know it is impossible
I know it can never be
I know even if I work doubly hard
I know it is a stupid attempt

I shall just go on
I shall not be foolish
I shall try to get it off my head
I shall change everything to improve

I am stronger than I think I am
I know I can do it
I shall try it tomorrow

Journey of life

What is happening now?
What will happen in 10 years time
Would anyone know?
Would anyone have guess?

One could never have guessed 10 years ago
How life would be now

Is it a crime to not want to see what the future holds?
Will it be too much if you dont want to know what tomorrow holds?
Why cant one live for today and today only?
Why must one care about life they aren't sure about?

Isnt it better to live the life today
Like as if there is no tomorrow
But plan tomorrow like as if life will never end

Wee Hours

During this wee hours
My head keeps working
Within this moment
I keep thinking

I need to find a way
I am sure I will if I try hard
I can find the path
Between all the boundaries of life

Where am I heading through the path?
I am uncertain
How bad could it get?
Definitely better than being trapped in the bend

Sick

I am feeling really sick today...I was sick 2 days ago...and the stubborn me...off coz..refused to see the doc..I don't quite like the idea of going to the doc..unless I am miserably in pain or the fever is super high. Normally its self-medicate. My body is strong enough to fight the flu I am having. Ya, and off coz after feeling a little bit better, I went to the gym and went jogging as well. Ad now, not only is my body aching like mad, I am also having a terrible headache. And today, I had no choice but to stay at home to rest. Pop up a few panadols by now for my headache. Its helping. Im still refusing to see the doc. If I feel worse tomorrow, I might just go. If I am better, and I am hoping the latter, I will go to the gym again. I dunno, just feel good when I jog or go to the gym, at least after that, I will be tired and nite and will be able to sleep. These days, I am not sleeping much. I can stay awake till wee hours to read a book or brose thtough stuff on the net or watever. If anyone knows the remedy for sleeping, do drop me a note. I need to sleep. I dont want a a visible eye bags. I doubt I wanna look like a panda. So I need to get to sleep.

Shutting Off

Never knew I was such a nuisance
Never knew I become an annoyance
Never really thought of myself that way
Till you pointed it out to me today

Sad as I am about the fact
I know I will face it with a stride
Coz at least now I know what you think

I am turning off for a while
As I cant accept certain things
I am sorry for all the trouble I have caused
And all the time I have taken

The day

The sun is down
Does it know that is how I feel today?
The day is gloomy
Does it know that is how my heart breaks?
The rain keeps falling
Does it know that is how much my tears have shed?

When can everything stop?
Maybe tomorrow or the day after?
Or maybe never?
I would never know

But everyday, like today
I wish the day to be brighter, happier and merrier
Then maybe the day will shine on me
And make me cheery again

Wishes

If only I am pretty
If only I am lovely
If only I am cagey
If only I am classy

If only I am zippy
If only I am chirpy
If only I am perky
If only I am lively

If only I am witty
If only I am brainy
If only I am merry
If only I am fancy

If only I have wishes
To keep me happy
Those are wishes I wish for me

Slumber Party

My friends and I (Ju, Mas, Suhana and myself) had an early "Slumber Party"...haha...well...its not exactly a slumber party as none of us wanna stay over due to different reasons. Anyway, we spent a good 6 hours at least together, it was like a bonding session for all of us. It felt great definitely.

Off coz we started off eating, as usual, as Jujubie's mum cook for us...which was super sweet and all...coz our initial plan was to buy out...but her sweet mummy cooked for all of us.

Then we played 2 games, watched to dvds and spent a whole lot of time eating junk food...as it is...I sense a sore throat now. Anyway, the first game we played was Pay Day. Gosh, everyone of us was excited about the lottery. At least the lottery in the game was pretty much easier to win than that of the real lottery..not that I have played one, just that Ive never heard of anyone winning it big. And the most unlikely person to win the game, with a whole loads of money at hand...JUJUBIE...haha...yeah...she won the game with over 30 over thousands at hand. She must surely be thinking.."If only the money is real, I'm gonna have loads of fun"...hehe...but too bad ju...its not. Then we played truth or dare and we came out with really unrealistic dare..the dare was more fun and scary than the truth itself...so more often than not, everyone, unwilling to go for the dare, told the truth..which was definitely an easier way to do for sure. And all these was played while watching 2 movies...Hitch (I must say Will Smith is super hunky) and The Eye.

Then finally we went dinner with Angie who joined us at dinner. Nice dinner indeed...had Nasi Ambeng, dunno what is it...super hot but was okay...copeable meal..hehe.

Well, thats how I spent my day today. A fruitful day? Indeed it was, rather than cooping at home doing nothing, well, I might figure out what to do by the end of the day, but then having spent some time with my friends...it was definitely quality bonding time spent, to prolly clear up some differences we may have had for each other, if there was any off coz. Nice time babes!