Winter's tale

The winter
Trembling in cold
No where to hide
No shelter to seek

Helpless
Deserted
Once happy...
Now bitten.

Moments

Going down again,
Falling.
Not handling it.
Smiles though the sufferings...

Stll laughing in between cries
The avalanche that never ends
Manageable? Continue? Finish it?

Even with countless pain
So which path?
At lost...
No solution
Seeing a sad ending

Life

Thought I am strong
But I am weak
Presumed life is progressing
But it is worsening

If it is suppose to be better
Why is it going down?
If it is happiness
Why is the tears?

Since when is life ever good?
Since when life is ever pleasant?
One could lie,
But for how long?

If only life can stay as it was
If only life doesnt move
Probably life could be better
Probably there will be more smiles

Now a smile is even hard
For there isnt any reason to
No more...
Since life is a monotone

Changing it is a fluke
Removing it is a forbidden
Which road then one heads?
Since its the crossroad is skewed

Inspired by Le Grande Voyage

As the journey is far and wide
I need you as my guide

You sure your mind is right?
You do know its hell of a ride?

I know its not easy,
But God is with me

Sometimes I think you are crazy
But I just have to let you be

Your task is easy
Just to drive me

Im not being a woozy
But the thought makes me hazy

Just let her stay
I dont see her stray

I'd rather keep her at bay
Then let her lead the way

Dont listen to him
He doesnt seem honest

You and your wimp
He could be a bonus

Why do you ahev to give
When we dont have our dough

Im sure we will live
After giving her the doe

We are here finally
Your wish did come true

I doubt I will see the end
But I shall not runt

Get your bus
Shall await for your return,
That I must

Why dont you reply
You are not even coming back
I scream and shout,
BE BACK!
Cut the act!

Oh no!
My worst fear is here!

I learnt a thing or two
Throughout this journey with you
I see the jab
Of the generation gap

I used not to care
Now you made me aware
IF ONLY YOU ARE STILL HERE
I would have care for you my dear
FATHER!

You

With you...
I see darkness, tears, pain
With you...
I see a broken dream

Yet, with you...
I feel ecstatic, gladness comfort
Yet, with you
I feel endless happiness

But why do I feel hurt while rejoicing
But why complications in the joy

It is endless misery in a bliss
A pain in pleasure

Wounded

Why the hell did I lose again?
Darn, I knew I will fail!
I know I have the lethal key
Would I use it?
No, I wont

Would I want to ruin and hurt
The already wounded?
No!
By hurting the fallen
I hurt myself
But do I care about myself?
NO!

What I want is not to injure the wounded heart
Especially one that I care
Never today, tomorrow, ever
By hurting you, I hurt myself the greatest!

Reflective Mode

Are you a fool?
Who the hell you think you are?
I know I'm no superwoman
I can deal it myself

You think you are doing well?
Your reasonings are ridiculous
I will if everyone stop asking
I will deal it myself!

How the hell are you solving it?
You don't even have a clue
I am already in the midst of it
I know I can do it!

Is self-destruction your resolution?
That is never a solution!
That is never the part of the plan
And I know I need to settle it myself!

A dot

A dot
First a drop
The spot expands
Grow into an atom

A dot
A droplet
And tt spreads
Like a mite

A dot
A piece
Stump on its own
With a great pinch

A dot
A dent to the being
Marks the conclusion
Creates a finality

A dot
The stroke
Keeps to a standstill
Marks the end

Reflection

The ill-fated life
Image that dampens
Longing for a smile
Towards endless happiness

A dejection
Remorse appearing
Running through the souless
Falling into agony
Through immense anger
Losing perspectives

Amidst the cold stares
Images of despondency
Glaring life harshness
Scowling of loneliness
Woeful and wounded

The Trip to Singapore Post

I didnt know such a simple trip to evoke so much emotion. Hillarious, fuming mad, in awe, well...all the emotions combined I suppose. When I first saw the line at 930 am, I was devastated...blimey...such a long queue...its gonna be an extremely long wait..Im sure I will be late for my tuition...but what to do...I have to pay my mum's bill...so no choice...I waited and waited...gosh...it was extremely slow now its already 15 minutes to 10 am and I m still far behind the queue...thinking...about the time I could start teaching...or the extra sleep I could have gotten had it not been for this..then suddenly, an old auntie in green came right in front of the queue...she created a comotion when she jumped the queue...the people behind her made a lot of noise...so old auntie had no choice but to walk away...then out of the blue...she came lining up behind an old uncle...the old man just kept quiet...I was behind the old man...had it been me sometime ago...I would have argued or told her off...but now...me in my can't be bothered mode...just kept quiet.

Then I heard a baby crying...boy...the kid was a nuisance...he was crying so loudly, it pissed me off...but again...I just kept quiet and endured the nonsense. What I saw then was this frantically looking guy...I suppose the dad of the kid trying to pacify him..wow...he was so calm yet so stressed...eventually the kid kept quiet after the dad gave him the pacifier...thank god...finally..peace...BUT...nooo....this old man came and suppose to get a parcel I suppose...but he couldnt get it...and was arguing with the staff at SingPost...though it was impressive the way the staff handle him...I was annoyed by his stubborness...eventually a guy explained to him in dialect...and the noisy uncle went off...without his parcel..and that was about the time when it was my turn to pay the bill at 1010 am abt half an hour of waiting...its tiring...but I dont have a choice do I...bills bills bills...but actually, this waiting made me learn some important aspects such as patience, tolerance and many other craps...those that Ive lost along the way...and now I am aware I have them still. So not that bad!

But...

Stumbling but not falling
Creeping but not crawling
In pain but yet calm
In sadness but shall not cry

On a strike but not strapped
On a voltage but not high
A killer but yet no murderer
A fleece but never a pest

An antidote but definitely not a painkiller
An inspirer but not yet a thinker
With misery but still awake
Troubled but still alive

A will which is never written
A nil but not yet dead

Whats in a name

Yeah...I checked out the meaning behind my name in this astrology site...from Jodie's site...she was the one who found the site.......anyway its I dont think it fits me though its kinda fun if im like that...that much power and enrgy in life.

Zarinah:
You have much compassion and psychic ability. You may have extremes of luck. Bad luck can be the result of laziness or lack of faith. You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. You enjoy a challenge. You can take thought-directed actions. You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind. You have a need to be up front. You work hard to achieve material success through your own efforts.
:

Ali:
You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. You have a diplomatic flair to your nature. Equality and fairness are important to you. You need to learn to give and receive love for love's sake. You have a need to be assured of affection

Needs

I need to be in control
I need to have a stand
I need to win
I need to be strong

I need the purpose
I need the power
I need the energy
I need the quality

I need the stamina
I need the skill
I need the resistance
I need the will

I need it all
Just to remain awake
In a world that is...
DEAD!

Day

Don't ask me why I am writing this
For it will be a long list
I'd rather give it a miss
Amidst all the mist

Three days out of the cold
Waking up from the sweat
Tired but trying to hold
Keeping to the old bet

Tried to be bold
End up in a ret
Planning not to fold
Coldness of the black hat

The dark seem to come
With no single sign
Light, hope there is some
So the day will be fine

Sanity

Why and how it happened
How would I know
Why and how it kept the rage
Only God knows

When words is swung like that
The anger just got worse
Why it raise to such annoyance
Is really beyond the control

Only comfort now is one self
Though one is done with the pain
Still must manage it
Just to keep sane

Mind

Keep busy
The only way
To keep the brain wheezy
So not to end this inconsequential life

I know for sure I hate the life
The one You have given me
I just cant live it with a jive
So I let it be

Ive promised not to do those You forbid me to
But my brain kept calling out "To die"
And just end it once and for all
So please keep me near You

Im saved by an angel once
He said "Treasure the life and dont do such runs"
But if only I could dance and keep me in a trance
Then my head wont keep telling me Im done

But Ive agreed to keep to the promise
Though the path is a bend
And its hard to keep everything amiss
I am sure the ordeal will pass

Strong, I will keep my will
And for once I will do it out of my own freewill
To keep it right for once

Mirror Mirror

Mirror mirror on the wall;
Who is the fairest of them all?
Oh my dear I have to give this call,
You are one who is not in the hall.

Mirror mirror on the wall;
Who is the dearest of them all?
Oh my dear I do not dare,
To tell you that you are definitely not there.

Mirror mirror on the wall;
Who is the meanest of them all?
This my darling I shall be fair,
You are right there like a glare.

Fate

I am sick of my fate
As I am not laughing
I am sick of my fate
As it is always upsetting

I am sick of my fate
As I am not gaining
I am sick of my fate
As I am always losing

I am sick of my fate
As I am not promising
I am sick of my fate
As I am always weeping

I am sick of my fate
As I am always compromising
I am sick of my fate
As I am not daring

I am sick of my fate
As I am always suffering
I am sick of my fate
As I am not enjoying

I am sick of my fate
As I am always crawling
I am sick of my fate
As I am not running

Fatness

Haven't been fpcussing myself much these days...and today..someone saied something to make me realise something....I am getting tooo bloody fat for my own good...i met a friend on my way back...and first thing my friend said...now you are look fleshy than the last time I met you....well...feshy...that means fat...yes I admit...I was rather thin mayb 6 months ago..but after that was being said...I had to go home and see how fat I have grown...and darn...yeah indeed...I have become a lot fatter....I need its high time I start focussing on the food I eat...though Ive never paid much attention to that...now could be a good time to start

My Plan
1) Bring own food...they are less oily as the food outside..and prolly I can save lot more like that
2)More gym session...definitely
3)Some jogging on top of the gym sessions
3) More sit ups...I have a lot of fats on my stomach area
4) More focussed on healthy living
5) Less outing so I can spend more time with my work and my training to keep fit
6) Good rest so I can actually a good time when I exercise

Well...the list could just go on....prolly eat lesser...mayb start having boiled food (but thats gross)...so I shall just concentrate on the 6 first...and get my body in shape...and to you y friend...though I know you don't read this...thanks for the waking up call...if not I would never realise I'm growing fatter by the day.

Some Pics

Pics from my Sarawak Trip