Tidak ku Duga

Aku bukan seorang pujangga
Yang bijak berkata-kata
Tapi bila hati terluka
Dengan sesuatu yang tak ku rela
Hatiku mula mencacar

Alunan suara terngiang di telinga
Kerana ini acar kehidupan
Yang tidak akan pernah sempurna
Tapi mengapa aku yang menerima
Sedangkan aku setia
Dan tidak berubah

Inikah yang harus aku terima
Aku sudah mencuba
Untuk melupakan semua
Tetapi Dia membuatnya susah
Dengan pertemuan yang tidak ku duga
Mengapa?

Adakah ini yang dinamakan dugaan
Tetapi aku tidak mahu diduga
Sedemian rupa
Kerana terasa tersiksa
Dan bertanya kepadaNya
Apakah motif sebenarnya
Kerana ujian ini tidak dapat ku terima

What is an SPG

Today, someone said I am dressed like an SPG...hmmm....I am not offended, but I just wanna highlight I don't qualify as one. I just felt like dressing up and looking and feeling good...havent been feeling good about life for a bit and trying to make myself as happy as I can be.

Anyway, what equates to being an SPG? As I am certain I dont look like one, I went to a few websites to check out what's the criteria of being one? Haha (too free...actually I have tons of work to do) :)

What is an SPG?

It means a local girl who will ONLY go out with a white guy (which I don't), be he's old, bald, ugly or whatsoever. SPG's objective is to date or hook a white guy (which I don't). It's not mainly due to money factor (which I don't), although there're some who do want rich white guys, but mostly it's based on biased thinking that whites are better than the rest (hmmm...trust me...I don't think that way...but shall not explain further). SPG girls commonly speak in fake accents (which I don't), be it American, British or Aussie. Other traits of these girls are long hair (mine is short)and clad in sexy clothes (my clothes are decent enough).

I definitely don't date for status, money, or better whatever....I don't need that...I spend my own keep...

For the person who said that...don't worry...I am not offended...just need to highlight I am not and dont belong to that category. In fact, I don't fit the important criteria, that is SPGs are suppose to be attractive and I am not at all attractive....I am just a plain Jane :)

Why not me

Walk alone
Held hands

Pretending happiness
Truly blissed

Succumb with fear
Filled with joy

Tears running dry
Smiled and glowed

Bleeding heart
Blown away

If only the perfect ending was such
But it had to be reversed!
Rather have hurt then happiness
Really no surprise
How it turned out
Half expected
End
For it is damned, lost and forgotten!

Lifeless

Easing the pain
Taking the norms
Praying for unreal
Following grace
High above

Wasted chance
Unjustifiable dreams
Useless prayers
Running through the blades

Wimp is out
Cry no more
Despair
And loneliness
One can't bear

Pills taken
Spirit gone
For confusion begins
In that shattered dreams

Darkness

Snapping out?
Arduous
Darkness
Uphill
Charging
Unlikely
Resembling
Sadly
Neglect
Definite
Blackness
Surrounds
Insanity
Weirdly
Pain
Consumes
Grims
Begin

Self-Destruction

Predefined circumstances
No compromise
Free the mind
Of thinking
And go beyond the obvious

The train was running
Without an ending
Still catching
Only to destructing

Crafted
And laid upon
The destined
Of hell
Decides

Merely something
Beyond the boundaries
Unsettled
Unfulfilled

Concealing
But yet revealing
Images of life
Floundering

Something burning
Pain yearning
Silence to discerning

Shadowing the past
Grasping
But only loneliness reveals

Unwell MatchBox 20

All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
I'm feeling like
I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why

I'm not crazy,
I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me

I'm not crazy,
I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me
Talking to myself in public

Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind

I'm not crazy,
I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me

I'm not crazy,
I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away

I'm not crazy,
I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me

I'm not crazy
I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
Well I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be

Today

Today you came into my dream again
But your memory is now faint
No longer daint

I cant changed the fate
Or my birthdate
And I'll bate

For them I shall stay strong
For you who did me wrong
And stab me with a prong

I don't know what the future jells
Will there be wedding bells
I know I have gone through hell
And this time when I fell
I fell into a deep cell
I tried to yell
But you left me in the well
Wailing to the ell

You showed how much you dont care
When you say your love is just not there
Those whords I couldn't bare
To hear I do not dare
For I dont think it is fair
Coz its clear like a glare
With all your stare
That your love for me was there
Maybe I refuse to admit the blare
That you treated me like a ware
I should flare
And not easily declare
That you've put me in this tare

Story of my Life

You came into my life about nine years ago
The war memorial was where we first met
A slight of dislike on my first encounter I forgo
And continue the friendship I let

Remain friends, we did
Somehow we went on a bid
I met new people but they ended
But remain friends and never bended
Somehowthe fire between us lid

We became closer
We did a lot of things together
Though at times, I know I could be treated better
Somehow I just let that love grew deeper

Several outings and dates
Though you never want to show
In public your feelings about me
An affair, I felt with you

But again, things changed
Your affections were more readily
You were willing to meet my friends
We spent our new year together, watching the flashes of fireworks

I was hopeful that things were looking better
We were moving in tanderm
Marriage was also a topic of conversation
Then an ultimatum was made

Talked to your mum you did
And strong disapproval she made
Instead of fighting for me
Giving me up totally you did

You told me "I dont love you"
Even if get married, we will end up in a divorce
You treat me like a sis
My life became a hiss

From that confident someone
I fell into depression
Work I cant concentrate
Food I cant eat
Thinking of you is all I did

A month has passed since you drop the bombshell
That you cant be with me
That you only want me as a friend

Our meeting at Omni theatre was beautiful
A memory I will never forget
But our last meeting was painful
With you leaving me at Bugis with your mind set

I am sure life is back to normal for you
While I am still putting back the broken pieces of my heart
Don't know if it could ever be mended
To the time like before

You are the man of my dream
You always make me smile like a beam
But you left me limp
When you left me at the ream

Unhappiness Revealed

Madness in life
The mind becomes a guide
To the soul
Of immortality
For the carriage past
With just a speck of dust

Swelling the ground
The the sides mount
The day heads
By the beds
That know no hates
For the living deads

Taufiq

Things happen for a reason
And God wants us to meet
U justified my feelings
For you reciprocate
In the end, its me you left
Qualms about leaving
Just not in your existence
U threw me like hay
Maybe I am seen as one
Appreciative of your friendship
How can I may

The end

The end of an eight year relationship

We started as friends
Eight years to be exact
It blossomed at fifth year
But now I know not on your part

If I could changed that trends
To three years back
I will keep that fear
And not put you in my heart

I am tired

Tired of explaning
Tired of asking
Tired of convincing
Tired of concluding

You said one thing
You do another
I am tired
But I am still believing

I wish you could be stronger
Before I show this anger
If you keep this longer
I will end a lone ranger

Will you try
Coz this is making me cry
My fear is running dry
With your lie

Please try to understand
This pain I have inside
Keeping the plan
When you abide

The longer it takes
The worst it aches
I have trown myself in the lake
With the cofession I make

What is life without love

We often wonder whether we can live without love
We often underestimate our ability to love
We oten cover the blunder of our life and love
And become a hunter in our own love

A Hope In the Relationship

It started a while back
Eight years to be exact
It feels unreal
The Civilian World War Memorial
Though we didn't feel
And then a meal
Our friendship begin

Five years, we are friends
Never crossed the unintends
One day I had to rend
A shoulder of yours I lend

Never knew that things would change
To a different range
Initially it was strange
But after a while it felt like destiny, prearranged

Like you said, the cinema was when we held hands
Though we were unsure how we would expand
I hope we will be able to withstand
And they will understand

Three years into this that we create
And I hope we will eventually conjugate
This feeling I have for you will inflate
As we procreate

Im praying hard it happens
As our feelings deepens

Not much impression left behind
After the meeting
But friendship stayed on
Though no meetings till the dawn

Creation

It you who creates it
This little joy
Its you who detroys it
This bundle boy

What is done
Is forgotten
What is won
Is taken

Have you lost
The meaning of life
With a high cost
When you go for the dive

Don't kill it
To keep the kit
You've got to give a hit
And let the fire lit

For them you need to
Coz they depend on you

Wired

Gazing at the stars
Questions flow
Its moving to fast
I didnt know

I'd be nowhere
If this continues
It is unfair
Coz I'm losing the fuse

The world around me
Is still moving
I let it be
As it is too disturbing

What's there to express
When everything is done
Trying to keep abreast
With putting my head with a gun

Trying but failing
To overcome it
Buying but losing
To reach the bit

Crossroads

Stood at the crossroads
Cold and confused
Amidst the people
The stretch between east and west

One a reality, the other from the virtual world
A reality that never sets in, and a virtuality of facts

Tired of rolling the dice
And counter on luck
Decide to walk alone
Across this journey

A note for my love

Goodbye my friend
Goodbye my lover
We are destined to meet and part
Leaving is no longer new
I will go where I can find peace
I need peace
I need love
You win
I no longer needed this
I tried to be good
I tried to be second best
I tried to be the last option
But I couldnt take it anymore

So goodbye my friend
Goodbye my lover

Dead Soul

Tears flowed
But had to be hidden
Pain felt
But too hurt to be beaten

What should be done?
The painkillers don't keep it away
The ache too deep
I have known none

I want to give up
I want to let go
But I can't

God,
I need the strength
For I have failed in life
I have tried what I forbided
I have gone to hell

I need a reason to keep on living
For life is too meaningless
I need an antidote to this sore
For I feel worthless