Reflection

The ill-fated life
Image that dampens
Longing for a smile
Towards endless happiness

A dejection
Remorse appearing
Running through the souless
Falling into agony
Through immense anger
Losing perspectives

Amidst the cold stares
Images of despondency
Glaring life harshness
Scowling of loneliness
Woeful and wounded

The Trip to Singapore Post

I didnt know such a simple trip to evoke so much emotion. Hillarious, fuming mad, in awe, well...all the emotions combined I suppose. When I first saw the line at 930 am, I was devastated...blimey...such a long queue...its gonna be an extremely long wait..Im sure I will be late for my tuition...but what to do...I have to pay my mum's bill...so no choice...I waited and waited...gosh...it was extremely slow now its already 15 minutes to 10 am and I m still far behind the queue...thinking...about the time I could start teaching...or the extra sleep I could have gotten had it not been for this..then suddenly, an old auntie in green came right in front of the queue...she created a comotion when she jumped the queue...the people behind her made a lot of noise...so old auntie had no choice but to walk away...then out of the blue...she came lining up behind an old uncle...the old man just kept quiet...I was behind the old man...had it been me sometime ago...I would have argued or told her off...but now...me in my can't be bothered mode...just kept quiet.

Then I heard a baby crying...boy...the kid was a nuisance...he was crying so loudly, it pissed me off...but again...I just kept quiet and endured the nonsense. What I saw then was this frantically looking guy...I suppose the dad of the kid trying to pacify him..wow...he was so calm yet so stressed...eventually the kid kept quiet after the dad gave him the pacifier...thank god...finally..peace...BUT...nooo....this old man came and suppose to get a parcel I suppose...but he couldnt get it...and was arguing with the staff at SingPost...though it was impressive the way the staff handle him...I was annoyed by his stubborness...eventually a guy explained to him in dialect...and the noisy uncle went off...without his parcel..and that was about the time when it was my turn to pay the bill at 1010 am abt half an hour of waiting...its tiring...but I dont have a choice do I...bills bills bills...but actually, this waiting made me learn some important aspects such as patience, tolerance and many other craps...those that Ive lost along the way...and now I am aware I have them still. So not that bad!

But...

Stumbling but not falling
Creeping but not crawling
In pain but yet calm
In sadness but shall not cry

On a strike but not strapped
On a voltage but not high
A killer but yet no murderer
A fleece but never a pest

An antidote but definitely not a painkiller
An inspirer but not yet a thinker
With misery but still awake
Troubled but still alive

A will which is never written
A nil but not yet dead

Whats in a name

Yeah...I checked out the meaning behind my name in this astrology site...from Jodie's site...she was the one who found the site.......anyway its I dont think it fits me though its kinda fun if im like that...that much power and enrgy in life.

Zarinah:
You have much compassion and psychic ability. You may have extremes of luck. Bad luck can be the result of laziness or lack of faith. You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. You enjoy a challenge. You can take thought-directed actions. You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind. You have a need to be up front. You work hard to achieve material success through your own efforts.
:

Ali:
You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. You have a diplomatic flair to your nature. Equality and fairness are important to you. You need to learn to give and receive love for love's sake. You have a need to be assured of affection

Needs

I need to be in control
I need to have a stand
I need to win
I need to be strong

I need the purpose
I need the power
I need the energy
I need the quality

I need the stamina
I need the skill
I need the resistance
I need the will

I need it all
Just to remain awake
In a world that is...
DEAD!

Day

Don't ask me why I am writing this
For it will be a long list
I'd rather give it a miss
Amidst all the mist

Three days out of the cold
Waking up from the sweat
Tired but trying to hold
Keeping to the old bet

Tried to be bold
End up in a ret
Planning not to fold
Coldness of the black hat

The dark seem to come
With no single sign
Light, hope there is some
So the day will be fine

Sanity

Why and how it happened
How would I know
Why and how it kept the rage
Only God knows

When words is swung like that
The anger just got worse
Why it raise to such annoyance
Is really beyond the control

Only comfort now is one self
Though one is done with the pain
Still must manage it
Just to keep sane

Mind

Keep busy
The only way
To keep the brain wheezy
So not to end this inconsequential life

I know for sure I hate the life
The one You have given me
I just cant live it with a jive
So I let it be

Ive promised not to do those You forbid me to
But my brain kept calling out "To die"
And just end it once and for all
So please keep me near You

Im saved by an angel once
He said "Treasure the life and dont do such runs"
But if only I could dance and keep me in a trance
Then my head wont keep telling me Im done

But Ive agreed to keep to the promise
Though the path is a bend
And its hard to keep everything amiss
I am sure the ordeal will pass

Strong, I will keep my will
And for once I will do it out of my own freewill
To keep it right for once

Mirror Mirror

Mirror mirror on the wall;
Who is the fairest of them all?
Oh my dear I have to give this call,
You are one who is not in the hall.

Mirror mirror on the wall;
Who is the dearest of them all?
Oh my dear I do not dare,
To tell you that you are definitely not there.

Mirror mirror on the wall;
Who is the meanest of them all?
This my darling I shall be fair,
You are right there like a glare.

Fate

I am sick of my fate
As I am not laughing
I am sick of my fate
As it is always upsetting

I am sick of my fate
As I am not gaining
I am sick of my fate
As I am always losing

I am sick of my fate
As I am not promising
I am sick of my fate
As I am always weeping

I am sick of my fate
As I am always compromising
I am sick of my fate
As I am not daring

I am sick of my fate
As I am always suffering
I am sick of my fate
As I am not enjoying

I am sick of my fate
As I am always crawling
I am sick of my fate
As I am not running

Fatness

Haven't been fpcussing myself much these days...and today..someone saied something to make me realise something....I am getting tooo bloody fat for my own good...i met a friend on my way back...and first thing my friend said...now you are look fleshy than the last time I met you....well...feshy...that means fat...yes I admit...I was rather thin mayb 6 months ago..but after that was being said...I had to go home and see how fat I have grown...and darn...yeah indeed...I have become a lot fatter....I need its high time I start focussing on the food I eat...though Ive never paid much attention to that...now could be a good time to start

My Plan
1) Bring own food...they are less oily as the food outside..and prolly I can save lot more like that
2)More gym session...definitely
3)Some jogging on top of the gym sessions
3) More sit ups...I have a lot of fats on my stomach area
4) More focussed on healthy living
5) Less outing so I can spend more time with my work and my training to keep fit
6) Good rest so I can actually a good time when I exercise

Well...the list could just go on....prolly eat lesser...mayb start having boiled food (but thats gross)...so I shall just concentrate on the 6 first...and get my body in shape...and to you y friend...though I know you don't read this...thanks for the waking up call...if not I would never realise I'm growing fatter by the day.

Some Pics

Pics from my Sarawak Trip

Regrets

I wrote this on my friend's blog. I thought it is good to have in on mine as well.

Feeling of regret is rather late
For consciousness keep you awake
Owning up maybe be in vain
Unless you just faint

The answer was not good enough
Tried and tested, I’ve had the puff
Especially when the pain is unavoidable
And make your life a wobble

A mask is never an answer
Coz the front didn’t matter
It makes you deplorable
To try make life bearable

Pain can never be a joy
Especially one that involves the heart
Unless it’s a coy
It will hit you like a dart

Misery

Misery misery... at this juncture…u are drawing closer. I am reversed to my wretched mode once more ...for some reason ...I sense that my existence is paltry ...I dunno why...I'm always going through this chapter in life....feeling miserable and getting out of it...then eventually plunging into it yet again...only deeper...hmmm...is this a sign of depression...I'm not sure...but i sure hope not...i dont wanna be one of those who are dependent on medicine due to the problems on the head...no...there's nothing wrong with me...prolly im not satisfied about my life coz I dont see meaning in it...or prolly school gives me too much stress...so I feel miserable...well..or prolly...I just hate myself...thats why Im never satisfied with myself...whatever it is..God...please make me stronger...coz I need to keep misery away...and keep happiness near...for I see sorrow coming...I dont want to be a part of misery...I want to be the jolly me...the one my friends see me...the critic who made life more colourful...but I always knew I can act...but for how long..I really dunno...will it end today...tomorrow...or the day after...God...I dont wish to see the day...when my misery be overblown and i cant hide it anymore...so I shall end it today...goodbye misery...goodbye all.
Dead Today, Born Yesterday...

Though...

Though I knew I am the one you row to
When troubles spell on you
Though I knew I am the one who help you swim through
When sadness befall on you
Though I knew I am the you seek comfort to
When the ground drops on you

Though I knew I should be there
I can't be there no more
Though I knew I should care
I can't as my mind is at war
Though I know it is not fair
I can't as I've lost the oar
To keep the shelter bare
For you to walk through by the door

Admonition

When life is detaching
One starts thinking
What kind of life is one leading
Is this where one is heading

Would it be to one's ability
To keep up with humility
Against life's cruelty
Is one able to face with credibility

Though one starts the day with anticipation
With all the apprehension
It ends with depression
With life's sick admonition

My Friends

My first moron sista
You have helped me through my sadness
With all your jokes that make me feel of gladness

My second moron sista
I know you have been through a lot in life
Despite that you have made my life a jive

My moronic friend
Better known as our Miss Universe
You definitely made live more adventurous

My 'elite' friend
Who claimed to be Miss Witty
Can sometimes make life crazy

My pregnant friend
She has just given birth
I hope she has a mirth

These are friends whom I met in NIE who make life is school soo much easier...they are my buddies...I suppose you know who you are...mayb our friendship goes a longggggggggg way..even after NIE is over. Take care babes

Path through misery

Tried to deny what's on my head
Tried to be the great
But it makes me miserable

Tried to distance myself
Tried to blind myself
But it makes me miserable

The hollow gateway is loomey
With myself gloomy
And it makes me miserable

I will have to stay happy
With everyone around me
Only God know knows the misery

I need answers to my pleas
I need a guide through my prayer
Coz I am in deep adversity
So I must create a better stronger me
The only path out of my misery

Haiku

Raindrops
Like a teardrop from the sky,
I couldn't control this emotion.

My first proper try of Haiku poetry...though I don't know if I am doing it correctly..It links to nature...rain...and links to life...hmmm...yeah...my piece...a nonsensical piece of Haiku from me

Whispers of life from the dead

I have been dejected
I have felt remorse
I have had worst encounters
By the enemy called life

I don't know how
I don't know why
I am betrayed
By the enemy called life

It is trashing my heart
It is killing my soul
It is piercing my mind
This enemy called life

I am thankful
I am grateful
That I could end it today
This enemy called life

Haiku

We learnt Haiku poetry today...its 3 lines and the first line tells the title...hmmm...like a bit the short ya...well but I did one coz a fren did one for me....hehe...so I had to do one as well during lecture though its rather inapporpriate as Haiku is normally linked to nature...but then again...my title...links to humaninity...here it goes:

Ageless
I know a weirdo
Who dates a kiddo

For my special friend....
You know who you are babe...love ya tons!!

Travelogue

I'm just back from my short holiday in Malaysia. To be precise, I went to Sarawak and KL. On the first day, when I touched down at the airport in Kuching, I was welcomed by the guide, Ahmed. He was such a helpful man. He helped to show us around the Sarawak, both the city area and the longhouse. At the longhouse, we stayed at the 'Ambin'. It is a back to basic for everyone. There, I met some Italians. They are extremely snobbish and made us wait. Because of them, we had problems with our plans. These idiots slept through till 11 am. Their guide, the stupid guide, refused to wake them up. We were so angry and fed up because we had to wait. But the place, the people and everything else were good and it was an extremely nice learning experience.

We also enjoyed ourselves at the city. We took tons of pictures and had a great time walking around and enjoying the beautiful sights.

Then we went to KL. We stayed at the guesthouse. It was an extremely small room. We called it our store. There I met Salem. He was our 'gueard'. Haha...well...he helped us alot...I was grateful. If not for you Salem, we would be stuck at Modestos or Uno..both of which are boring clubs. He brought us to Cuba. Nice club. Then the next day, he helped to carry our bags...our extremely heavy bags. You were a great help Salem...and I'm thankful for it for sure.

Our trip was extremely good till we reached Johore. There we were welcomed by rude attendants and to make it worst, I lost $50, which was suppose to be the money to go back. So we had to take the bus. I felt like vomitting throughout my whole journey. Then Yana, my travelmate, who was also falling sick, asked her boyfriend to pick us up at Kranji. When we reached the Malaysian custom, after clearing our pass, we waited for the stupid bus....3 170 buses came, but the stupid bus was nowhere to be seen...then eventually we took 950 to woodlands, where my travelmate's bf waited for us. I am so grateful that at last I am back home. Though what happened in Johor made me angry and fed up, the whole trip was a beaufitul one, especially my stay in Sarawak. For that, I am grateful to the Sarawakians for welcoming us and made our stay an extremely beautiful one. A few names to mention in Sarawak who helped us..Ahmed (our guide), Freddy(the owner of B&B) and everyone at Lemanak Longhouse. In KL, I would like to give my greatest thanks to Salem (who helped us a lot) and the uncle driver who sent us to the airport who was honest and nice and helpful.

Thats it for my trip. Now looking forward to the challenges that 2006 will be offering me. I sure hope I will have a better year than the previous year and likewise, everyone who reads this. I hope this year will be good and beautiful for you.