Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Thee

Thee...
Thy shooting star
One moment you look so close and near
I almost thought I could reach you

Thee...
Thy shooting star
At a flash you are far and distant
And beyond my horizon

Thee...
Thy shooting star
Now you are too far in the universe
Possessing you is an impossible dream

Monday, November 28, 2005

An Educator

Hebrew Proverb"A child is not a vessel to be filled, but a lamp to be lit".

That is so true...they are not to be perceived as empty vessel..surely!

I found this interesting poem on the net...and I am inspired to be someone who can be as good...who succeed...not in monetary term, rather..be successful in what I love to do...though I cant do something I love...I think this is a branch I can work on and achieve the best. I want to inspire the young minds and hopefully...one fine day...someone can tell me that I am an important part of his/her growing up life...every felt that way...and while searching..I found the poem below...dunno who is the writer...but the words...are definitely inspiring.

One Hundred Years from now Author Unknown
One Hundred Years from now
It will not matter what kind of car I drove,
What kind of house I lived in,
How much money was in my bank account nor what my clothes looked like.
But the world may be a better place
Because I was important in the life of a child.

The love of my life

Ju mentioned in one of her entry in her blog (off coz it was taken off after I created a dramatic reaction about the whole thingy) about the new love of my life...well...dont guess...its off coz Ronald McDonalds.

Well..sadly to break this news to u everyone who is gearing to get me a partner (especially to ju) that mackey (as affectionate name i would give ronald with we are together) that the two of us is impossible due to many reasons..but mainly due to the three factors below:
1) I dont like to share my man with others since I am a selfish person but how can i say no to all his adoring fans...i just cant especially to the cute adorable ones..its, too heart wrenching.
2) Though i am fat and all, the dude is too big for me. Next to him, I look like a midget. I cant swallow such fact.
3) And finally, though we look chirpy and all, there is a difference between us..he smiles 24/7 but I have my high and low. I would be pissed if I have to see him smiling all the time...so nah.

So..though I dont wish to disappoint you ju..mackey and I, it cant work, we have to be realistic...sob sob...and I thought he could be the love of my life...wel..no worries ju...I will keep a lookout for my next potential partner...maybe next would be uncle Kentucky...how abt that...I will definitely keep you updated...in the meantime...wait for the good news ya...hehehe

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Free

I am free to do whatever I want
I am free to think whatever I want
I am free to be whoever I want

I am like this because you are close to me
I am like this because I know you are there
I am like this because I believe in your existence

You have made me stronger
You have helped me stand up from my endless falls
You have kept me from the harm that I know I am capable of

Oh God
You are the only one who can get me through the hell in life
And I know,
With you near me
I can be watever I want

Friday, November 25, 2005

EXAM IS OVER!

Yeah finally the dreadful weeks are over...how I yearn for this day...those were the few hardest week of my life..I so hate the fact that I spent a whole lot of sleepless nights....doing one assignment after another...finall the last week...the final week...where everything ends..felt a great relief and a load off my shoulder...yes...i have not gotten the result...i dunno how i fare...but that aside for now...right now...i plan to relax my brain...read a few books...enjoy the one month that is given to me to fully enjoy every moment..

But taking a look at myself now...i can swear that boredom is sinking in...and its just the first day of the holiday...i fear the days to come...i forsee more of such days...boredom boredom boredom!

Earlier work

All those poems or notes were my previous writings on my friendster blog...there are more nonsensical stuff there...u can have a peek at the friendster blog at this address: http://nina_al.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/2005/11/index.html
But since friendster's blog is having lotsa problems lately...I shall keep my notes here.

Why??

You knew life isn’t roaring for you
Yet you dunk yourself deeper into catastrophe
You knew you will drown
Yet you dive into unknown waters
You knew you can’t play with fire
Yet you went into a raging room
You knew it is not your deal
Yet you plunge into the haggle
You knew everything was against you
Yet you propelled towards them
WHY?

Sleep

My body said yes
But my mind and conscience kept me away
My body said yes
But my head refused to abide
My body said yes
But my work is loaded by tons
My body said yes
And eventually my eyes relents
Though my brain is responding with great repulsion
Sleep...

Something that was easy then
Seems to be a chore now
Sleep...
Something I savour then
Seems like a disruption now

However, as my body weakens
Sleep will overtake it
Though my mind says I shouldn't
My body abides to it!

How I wish it is as easy
For my my mind and body to coordinate
So it will not make me an insomniac

Feeling

Can one feel insulted when it may not even be directed to the person. If it is directed to the person...cant it be done so that one doesnt feel the hurt....well a lesson learnt from all these.....one of the many lessons in life...dont trouble trouble till trouble troubles u....the best way not to get in trouble is to stay away from trouble...always keep a reality check...of which i will do...thanks for reminding....i will do it from this moment on....i will keep it in my head and that will keep me awake....enough....not to trouble myself anymore...so friends who are in trouble....not too late...start today...lets stay away from the enemy called trouble.....and keep a reality check on where we are heading in our life...not that i didnt...even if i didint....i will...now

Discovery

Today i made a discovery about u,
No one tells me,
I discover it on my own.
Today i made a discovery about u,
A discovery i never look forward too,
Though i knew the day will come.
Today i made a discovery about u,
I thought since i already knew,
The discovery wont hurt,
But God, why does it still hurt?
Today i made a discovery about u,
And that ends it all.

Loser

I really thought, Ive got the game going and I'm winning it
One news and it trashed me down like a loser
I can't keep losing in my own game
I've lost once
I cant keep losing
I dont wanna reign the loser's title
I've not looked back ever since
But i need to start winning
This new challenges must steer me forward
It will keep me going
I shall not look back...
Coz by looking back,
Everything I've worked for crashes down on me!

Love

A friend of mine asked me this question...what is love? I didn’t know how to answer the question...and the best way to get out of such situation is by saying I DUNNO...haha...but then it didn’t end there...it kept me thinking...what is love...have I been in love...how do we know we are in love...so I did what I should do...search on the different perspective of love.
I shall start with love in science.
According to a site I searched, There are 3 stages in falling in love and each involves different hormones.
Stage1: Lust
Lust is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen. Testosterone is not confined only to men. It has been shown to play a major role in the sex drive and desire of women. These hormones get one to look out for the gender they prefer.
Stage2: Attraction
This is the love struck phase. When one falls in love, they can think of nothing else. They might lose appetite and need less sleep, preferring to spend hours day dreaming rather than sleeping. At this stage a group of neuro-transmitters called 'monoamines' play an important role:
 Dopamine - Also activated by cocaine and nicotine
 Norepinephrine - Otherwise known as adrenalin. Starts us sweating and gets the heart racing
 Serotonin - One of love's most important chemicals and one that may actually send us temporarily insane.
Stage 3: Attachment
This is what takes over after the attraction stage, if a relationship is going to last. People couldn't possibly stay in the attraction stage forever; otherwise they'd never get any work done. Two hormones released by the nervous system, which are thought to play a role in social attachments:
 Oxytocin - This is released by the hypothalamus gland during child birth and also helps the breast express milk. It helps cement the strong bond between mother and child. It is also released by both sexes during orgasm and it is thought that it promotes bonding when adults are intimate. The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes
 Vasopressin - Another important chemical in the long-term commitment stage. It is an important controller of the kidney and its role in long-term relationships was discovered when scientists looked at the prairie vole.
Ok. This is the science aspect of how to know we are in love….mainly the first 2 stages applies…I will focus on other perspective on my next write up if time permits!

Love

Love has many meanings in English, from something that gives a little pleasure ("I loved that food") to something one would die for (patriotism, pairbonding). Now moving on…to what is love…now I’ll be focusing on the physical attraction which leads to love.
Flushed cheeks, a racing heart beat and clammy hands are some of the outward signs of being in love. But inside the body there are definite chemical signs that cupid has fired his arrow. Similarly, “I love you” commonly implies “I enjoy touching your body,” or “I enjoy believing that you will give me security or protection,” or for most people “I enjoy having sex with you” (or “I want to have sex with you.” As a result, Lacan, in his teachings about love, described the typical act of love as “polymorphous perversion.” Polymorphous simply means “having many forms.” So this amounts to saying, like the popular song from the 1980s, that we’re looking for love in all the wrong places. That is, we look for satisfaction in all the various titillating parts of the body but never find what is truly sought.
To be continued...

Love

Studies have shown that mental scans of those in love show a striking resemblance of those with mental illness. Love creates activity in the same area of the brain that hunger, thirst, and drug cravings create activity in. However the difference with these two is love is interacted in more physical manner than any mental illness.Most persons don’t realize this, but the common, or popular, view of love involves an element of receiving something. “I love chocolate” really means that “I enjoy getting the experience of the taste of chocolate.” These experience and feelings escalate one’s emotion and desire to get what they want.
Lacan points out that although “love”—that is, in its common, popular sense—is, in essence, a futile chasing after something that doesn’t exist, there is nevertheless a love beyond this “making love,” a love that exists beyond lack and limitation and that involves a sort of ecstasy of being. The irony is that in the common act of making love we think we know what we want, but it turns out to be an illusion, while this other love touches on a real experience of which we know nothing. It’s a mystical sort of thing, as Lacan acknowledges. As shocking as it might sound, most of us who claim to be “giving” or “loving” are not giving selflessly. Instead, we are addressing a covert psychological desire to avoid being abandoned. Sad to say, the apparent generosity of common love is more an act of bribery than of real love. Most men who give flowers to women, for example, are either saying, “I want to have sex with you,” or they are trying to satisfy the woman’s demand for a gift—and avoid her anger if the gift is forgotten—on a birthday or anniversary. And many parents who give excessive money or gifts to children or grandchildren are unconsciously trying to buy allegiance and favour. Unable to accept and understand the child’s deepest emotional experiences, the parent will offer an easily procurable gift to make the child feel happy. And the child, unable to consciously express the covert cover-up occurring under his or her very nose, will accept the gift under the assumption that “this must be love.”
Therefore, those who have the most to gain have the greatest desire to deceive. Those who have the least to gain—and who want nothing like the saints—can love perfectly. And this perfect, real love is no illusion. So back to the key question….what is love…I suppose…love is what you perceive and different people perceives it differently. BUT, there is no such thing as TRUE love…that is definite… how one could love someone unconditionally when we expect our love to be reciprocated…that itself is a selfish act!
That’s it…all the theory I discovered on the question of LOVE!

Questions

Is happiness attainable?
Is there a limitation to happiness?
Why is happiness a self proclamation?
Can one be truly happy?
Why is total happiness beyond imagination?
Must one be truly satisfied?
Why do we have to chase happiness?
Must one stop chasing impossible dreams?
Must one stop dreaming that the best comes to those who wait?
Or must one wail and mourn for all the unhappiness?
Can happiness screech one’s way without telling?
If there really is happiness,
Is HAPINESS within reach?

Dreams

Dreams can be successful if you work hard and aims high.
At least,
If you can't reach the best,
You will achieve something better.
So keep on dreaming!
The dreams may just come true!

Death

We slip into misery because of life turbulence
We stagger into wretchedness when we are surrounded by darkness
We screech into stillness as a voice is sardonically disconcerting
We struggle not to crumble but yet we plunged below when we took a step
We slipped away further by the day
That’s when misery ends
And death sets in

Yesterday and Today

Yesterday, I was a nonentity
Yesterday, I was forlorn
Yesterday, everything seemed drab
Yesterday, I would have been lifeless.

But today, I have everything
Today, I found myself
Today, everything is going smoothly
Today, I will be so alive.

When can today appear and yesterday depart?
I will never know
But I wish of more todays than yesterdays.

Misery

When misery sets in,
It grows deeper and sinks.
But it is nothing,
Nothing great to cause destruction.
As it is,
Destruction is a bliss.
When sinking deeper into misery,
Hatred depart from life.

Name

Zany in character
Articulate by nature
Reservations about things in life
In search for sincere friends
Never learn my lesson
Adventurous till it hurts
Hoping the best in life will prevail soon.

Goodbye

Goodbye trash
Once, you were the quality paper I seek to pour my heart's content.
Once, your space were all for me.
Once, I enjoyed every moment with you.
But, those times were over.

Now, you have limited space for me.
Now, you have stained your paper with other writings.
Now, I don't qualify a space in you spectacular paper.

And I spent many days feeling hollow.
And I learnt to let go.
The once quality paper, which was mine is now shared by others.
And I shall not let it be.
So I threw you away, piece by piece.

And today, I threw the final piece.
Goodbye trash.

Parted

I shall not care...
I shall not care if today is a wonderful day
Or if today is a bad day

I shall not care...
I shall not care if you leave a thousand roses to decay
Or if you wanna tell me you are dreary
From the place called misery

I shall be cold hearted and not care
If today you were to tell me you are sorry
How should I care
When my heart is dead anyway..
Peace forever

Hope

Should I ignore what I want?
Should I forgo it because it can never be mine?
Or should I keep dreaming one day it will be?

Would that dream become a reality?
What if it remains just a dream?

But what if, while chasing that dream, I lost touch of reality?
What if eventually I lost everything because of that dream?

Then would I have to start from the beginning?
What if I fall even before I could begin?

Would that make me a failure?
Would that hinder my thoughts?
Would that make me weaker?

Maybe, just maybe, I should stop thinking about the ifs
Maybe, just maybe, I should do whatever that should be done
Maybe, just maybe, I should not care about what will happen
And maybe, just mayb, that way, I can make it happen.
Then, probably that would be my new beginning.

Pain

Ive tried to look forward
Ive tried to move ahead
Ive tried to be strong
But yet I have failed

I needed to be bright
I needed to be great
I needed to be sharp
But yet I have failed

I yearned for happiness
I yearned for enjoyment
I yearned for contentment
But yet I have failed

I tried, I needed and I yearned
For all the pleasure in existence
But yet all I get is failure
And an endless excruciating pain

Sedation

I shall keep a distance
I shall keep at bay
So I won’t be hit
By the typhoon

I shall keep a distance
I shall keep at bay
So I won’t be struck
By the tempest

I shall keep a distance
I shall keep at bay
So I won’t be clout
By the thunderstorm

But can it still hit, struck or clout me now
When I’m immune to the pain

But can it still hit, struck or clout me now
When I’m numb

But can it still hit, struck or clout me
When I’m sedated

I shall keep a distance anyhow
When I know I’m done with life anyway

Anger Management

I’m like a fire today,
Burning myself with anger
I got too angry
Then I slept it off.

But luckily when I woke up
I realized my stupidity

Why should I be angry?
Why am I getting upset over silly things?
When life can just slip away in a split second
Shouldn’t I focus on the happiness instead?
And let the fire inside me subside

A 'GERM'

Life is like a germ
'It' mulitplies

And finally
Today
'It' is a deadly virus

I tried to vomit 'it'
This deadly virus
Called LIFE

For I fear
If 'it' stays too long
I'd be 'dead' by dawn

To stay awake is tormenting
When 'it' is foaming in me

Should I shorten 'it'...
This disease called life

Though Ive made a promise to sleep 'it' off today
Maybe then tomorrow
I would be able to say
"Goodbye"
To it...

This virus called life