Mani and Pedi session

Today is another manicure and pedicure session for me....I just realised that I have been going to the place a tiny bit too many times this month, wonder why....boredom I suppose! But today I have pretty nails....but now one of my big toes is spoilt...sob sob!

Liliput

Whee...I had a fantababulous time at Liliput yesterday. Well, in case you don't know what the hell that is, its miniature golf. And the best part, I won over my friends. Shhh....can't tell them..hahaha. Well, its one game I am definitely better than them, this is it. But, I did faced a few challenges, like going uphill. The ball refused to go uphill. My score would have been much better on flat ground. Well, its a start. Maybe I am fated to play golf....hmmm....maybe I should learn it professionally...haha...well...someone told me once, dream big..I think this is just fantasy on my part..lol!

The Karaoke Session That didnt happen

Yesterday, Ju, Mas, Nur and I had planned to go karaokeing before a boardgame session. But did it happen?! Nope, Nur called me at 5 pm to tell me she has overslept...when I called her at 430 for a meeting at 6. Hmmm...then Mas had an argument and keep saying she was on the way...just say you cant make it, not on the way when you are not! Thats how I feel!

Food glorious food

Last Friday was really FOOD DAY! My buddies and I had a whole lot of food, just the 3 of us with 5 dishes in front of us. We ate so much that I had skipped dinner and breakfast the next day. We had orange chicken, black pepper crab, baby kailan, seafood tomyam and beancurd hotplate. Its cheap! All the dishes with rice and all was 40 bucks...pretty cheap for a spread. And yeshie, we finished mostly all the food on the table!

Feelings

I have been feeling useless lately. I dont know why. I have been looking my the purpose in my life but yet I find no answers to it. It is scary what I thought of doing. There are many things I want to do and planned to do but all that dashed 3 to 4 months ago. Too bad, I have realised one thing through all these, nothing happens when you planned, everything seems to fumble, especially so for me. Its probably my luck. The one thing that keep me going is my work, even then some parents think I am not an efficient educator. Where they had heard it will remain a mystery but if I could share it with them, I work extremely hard for my students. Ive been doing so and I can safely say, I may not be the best teacher, Im definitely not a bad one.

The Long "Awaited" Holiday

Normally, I would look forward to holidays, always excited and gearing and planning for holidays and spending time with different people who are significant in my life. But this year, somewhat a big part of me is taken away and it makes me feel empty. Lucky for me, I have many nice people who are around who have made life a little bit easier, my colleagues whom Im spending a fair bit of time with, my buddies who are always around when I need to rant or when certain things make me depress and for the friend who is willing to hear and endure my nonsense though my views and wishes are very much against you choice in life. I have talked about weirdest issue about life as I look at life in a more microscopic view these days, it even scares me sometimes.

Time when I need you most

At the beginning,
I was looking forward to it
Spending those moments
But now that its near
With the empitiness within me
Its just a pain
To even realise its approaching

I know I'd feel miserable
I wish it could just pass
As without the purpose
The meaning is gone

Discovery

Today I found out a friend reads my blog...well...if you are reading it now, Ive told you my blog was a bore and it still is. WHat I am curious is how you find out about my blog....hmmm...Im pretty sure I never tell the url..genius indeed...im sure you are gloating and nodding in agreement right now...haha. Anyway, thanks for spending the time with me. And ya, I have been eating, in fact, Im a glutton now...hehe

Random

Ambiguity

Billowing in sorrow

Crying for the unworthy

Decadent

Effort gone wasted

For all is gone

Giving so much

Had gone too far

Imagining the happiness

Jumping into darkness

Keeping the past in the heart

Lamenting to others

Mourning in pain

Neither here nor there

Or just beneath the stars

Piling the sadness

Quilting the pain

Resting but yet yearning

Starting anew

Trying but to no avail

Unimaginable ending

Victory was expected

Won't that be sweet

Yet everything gone

Zealous no more

Tidak ku Duga

Aku bukan seorang pujangga
Yang bijak berkata-kata
Tapi bila hati terluka
Dengan sesuatu yang tak ku rela
Hatiku mula mencacar

Alunan suara terngiang di telinga
Kerana ini acar kehidupan
Yang tidak akan pernah sempurna
Tapi mengapa aku yang menerima
Sedangkan aku setia
Dan tidak berubah

Inikah yang harus aku terima
Aku sudah mencuba
Untuk melupakan semua
Tetapi Dia membuatnya susah
Dengan pertemuan yang tidak ku duga
Mengapa?

Adakah ini yang dinamakan dugaan
Tetapi aku tidak mahu diduga
Sedemian rupa
Kerana terasa tersiksa
Dan bertanya kepadaNya
Apakah motif sebenarnya
Kerana ujian ini tidak dapat ku terima

What is an SPG

Today, someone said I am dressed like an SPG...hmmm....I am not offended, but I just wanna highlight I don't qualify as one. I just felt like dressing up and looking and feeling good...havent been feeling good about life for a bit and trying to make myself as happy as I can be.

Anyway, what equates to being an SPG? As I am certain I dont look like one, I went to a few websites to check out what's the criteria of being one? Haha (too free...actually I have tons of work to do) :)

What is an SPG?

It means a local girl who will ONLY go out with a white guy (which I don't), be he's old, bald, ugly or whatsoever. SPG's objective is to date or hook a white guy (which I don't). It's not mainly due to money factor (which I don't), although there're some who do want rich white guys, but mostly it's based on biased thinking that whites are better than the rest (hmmm...trust me...I don't think that way...but shall not explain further). SPG girls commonly speak in fake accents (which I don't), be it American, British or Aussie. Other traits of these girls are long hair (mine is short)and clad in sexy clothes (my clothes are decent enough).

I definitely don't date for status, money, or better whatever....I don't need that...I spend my own keep...

For the person who said that...don't worry...I am not offended...just need to highlight I am not and dont belong to that category. In fact, I don't fit the important criteria, that is SPGs are suppose to be attractive and I am not at all attractive....I am just a plain Jane :)

Why not me

Walk alone
Held hands

Pretending happiness
Truly blissed

Succumb with fear
Filled with joy

Tears running dry
Smiled and glowed

Bleeding heart
Blown away

If only the perfect ending was such
But it had to be reversed!
Rather have hurt then happiness
Really no surprise
How it turned out
Half expected
End
For it is damned, lost and forgotten!

Lifeless

Easing the pain
Taking the norms
Praying for unreal
Following grace
High above

Wasted chance
Unjustifiable dreams
Useless prayers
Running through the blades

Wimp is out
Cry no more
Despair
And loneliness
One can't bear

Pills taken
Spirit gone
For confusion begins
In that shattered dreams

Darkness

Snapping out?
Arduous
Darkness
Uphill
Charging
Unlikely
Resembling
Sadly
Neglect
Definite
Blackness
Surrounds
Insanity
Weirdly
Pain
Consumes
Grims
Begin

Self-Destruction

Predefined circumstances
No compromise
Free the mind
Of thinking
And go beyond the obvious

The train was running
Without an ending
Still catching
Only to destructing

Crafted
And laid upon
The destined
Of hell
Decides

Merely something
Beyond the boundaries
Unsettled
Unfulfilled

Concealing
But yet revealing
Images of life
Floundering

Something burning
Pain yearning
Silence to discerning

Shadowing the past
Grasping
But only loneliness reveals

Unwell MatchBox 20

All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
I'm feeling like
I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why

I'm not crazy,
I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me

I'm not crazy,
I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me
Talking to myself in public

Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind

I'm not crazy,
I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me

I'm not crazy,
I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away

I'm not crazy,
I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me

I'm not crazy
I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
Well I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be

Today

Today you came into my dream again
But your memory is now faint
No longer daint

I cant changed the fate
Or my birthdate
And I'll bate

For them I shall stay strong
For you who did me wrong
And stab me with a prong

I don't know what the future jells
Will there be wedding bells
I know I have gone through hell
And this time when I fell
I fell into a deep cell
I tried to yell
But you left me in the well
Wailing to the ell

You showed how much you dont care
When you say your love is just not there
Those whords I couldn't bare
To hear I do not dare
For I dont think it is fair
Coz its clear like a glare
With all your stare
That your love for me was there
Maybe I refuse to admit the blare
That you treated me like a ware
I should flare
And not easily declare
That you've put me in this tare

Story of my Life

You came into my life about nine years ago
The war memorial was where we first met
A slight of dislike on my first encounter I forgo
And continue the friendship I let

Remain friends, we did
Somehow we went on a bid
I met new people but they ended
But remain friends and never bended
Somehowthe fire between us lid

We became closer
We did a lot of things together
Though at times, I know I could be treated better
Somehow I just let that love grew deeper

Several outings and dates
Though you never want to show
In public your feelings about me
An affair, I felt with you

But again, things changed
Your affections were more readily
You were willing to meet my friends
We spent our new year together, watching the flashes of fireworks

I was hopeful that things were looking better
We were moving in tanderm
Marriage was also a topic of conversation
Then an ultimatum was made

Talked to your mum you did
And strong disapproval she made
Instead of fighting for me
Giving me up totally you did

You told me "I dont love you"
Even if get married, we will end up in a divorce
You treat me like a sis
My life became a hiss

From that confident someone
I fell into depression
Work I cant concentrate
Food I cant eat
Thinking of you is all I did

A month has passed since you drop the bombshell
That you cant be with me
That you only want me as a friend

Our meeting at Omni theatre was beautiful
A memory I will never forget
But our last meeting was painful
With you leaving me at Bugis with your mind set

I am sure life is back to normal for you
While I am still putting back the broken pieces of my heart
Don't know if it could ever be mended
To the time like before

You are the man of my dream
You always make me smile like a beam
But you left me limp
When you left me at the ream

Unhappiness Revealed

Madness in life
The mind becomes a guide
To the soul
Of immortality
For the carriage past
With just a speck of dust

Swelling the ground
The the sides mount
The day heads
By the beds
That know no hates
For the living deads

Taufiq

Things happen for a reason
And God wants us to meet
U justified my feelings
For you reciprocate
In the end, its me you left
Qualms about leaving
Just not in your existence
U threw me like hay
Maybe I am seen as one
Appreciative of your friendship
How can I may

The end

The end of an eight year relationship

We started as friends
Eight years to be exact
It blossomed at fifth year
But now I know not on your part

If I could changed that trends
To three years back
I will keep that fear
And not put you in my heart

I am tired

Tired of explaning
Tired of asking
Tired of convincing
Tired of concluding

You said one thing
You do another
I am tired
But I am still believing

I wish you could be stronger
Before I show this anger
If you keep this longer
I will end a lone ranger

Will you try
Coz this is making me cry
My fear is running dry
With your lie

Please try to understand
This pain I have inside
Keeping the plan
When you abide

The longer it takes
The worst it aches
I have trown myself in the lake
With the cofession I make

What is life without love

We often wonder whether we can live without love
We often underestimate our ability to love
We oten cover the blunder of our life and love
And become a hunter in our own love

A Hope In the Relationship

It started a while back
Eight years to be exact
It feels unreal
The Civilian World War Memorial
Though we didn't feel
And then a meal
Our friendship begin

Five years, we are friends
Never crossed the unintends
One day I had to rend
A shoulder of yours I lend

Never knew that things would change
To a different range
Initially it was strange
But after a while it felt like destiny, prearranged

Like you said, the cinema was when we held hands
Though we were unsure how we would expand
I hope we will be able to withstand
And they will understand

Three years into this that we create
And I hope we will eventually conjugate
This feeling I have for you will inflate
As we procreate

Im praying hard it happens
As our feelings deepens

Not much impression left behind
After the meeting
But friendship stayed on
Though no meetings till the dawn

Creation

It you who creates it
This little joy
Its you who detroys it
This bundle boy

What is done
Is forgotten
What is won
Is taken

Have you lost
The meaning of life
With a high cost
When you go for the dive

Don't kill it
To keep the kit
You've got to give a hit
And let the fire lit

For them you need to
Coz they depend on you

Wired

Gazing at the stars
Questions flow
Its moving to fast
I didnt know

I'd be nowhere
If this continues
It is unfair
Coz I'm losing the fuse

The world around me
Is still moving
I let it be
As it is too disturbing

What's there to express
When everything is done
Trying to keep abreast
With putting my head with a gun

Trying but failing
To overcome it
Buying but losing
To reach the bit

Crossroads

Stood at the crossroads
Cold and confused
Amidst the people
The stretch between east and west

One a reality, the other from the virtual world
A reality that never sets in, and a virtuality of facts

Tired of rolling the dice
And counter on luck
Decide to walk alone
Across this journey

A note for my love

Goodbye my friend
Goodbye my lover
We are destined to meet and part
Leaving is no longer new
I will go where I can find peace
I need peace
I need love
You win
I no longer needed this
I tried to be good
I tried to be second best
I tried to be the last option
But I couldnt take it anymore

So goodbye my friend
Goodbye my lover

Dead Soul

Tears flowed
But had to be hidden
Pain felt
But too hurt to be beaten

What should be done?
The painkillers don't keep it away
The ache too deep
I have known none

I want to give up
I want to let go
But I can't

God,
I need the strength
For I have failed in life
I have tried what I forbided
I have gone to hell

I need a reason to keep on living
For life is too meaningless
I need an antidote to this sore
For I feel worthless

How do you know he cares?

He says "we" instead of "I"
He wants to talk to you
He is able to make you laugh
He doesn't laugh at you, He laughs with you
He comforts you when you sad
He remembers things about you without you telling him
If you cry, he offers a shoulder without being sexual
He talks about the future of both of you together
He wants to meet you
He introduces you to his mum
He wants to meet your family
He compliments you on your look
His friends know who you are

Off course, the list continues...

Peak of Stress

I am at the peak of my stress mode. Many questions in my head. Are my students ready? Can they sit for the paper confidently? Will they pass or fail? What if they fail? Does that mean I am a bad teacher? Does it mean I had not given them enough remedials? Should I try to give them more remedials? How much more? Gosh.......I am stressed. I hope my students can make it. Please, let them remember all the things taught to them.

The Event

Glory days are back to stay
It marks the way of living
Looking forward and awaited for far too long
Eventually it is coming
Gathering of minds and souls
Venturing to new beginnings
Exploring the options
So fun it is!
Let the fun begins...

Today

Today, I am learning to accept
I am learning to forget
I am also learning to let go

Today, I hope things are better
I hope it will be okay
I also hope I am stronger

Today, I am staying happy
I am staying positive
I am also staying healthy

Today, I am avoiding pressure
I am avoiding stress
I am also avoiding anger

Just

No apprehension
Just broken
No care
Just desire
No effort
Just forgery
No grins
Just happiness
No jokes
Just kindness
No lamenting
No mimicry

Nonetity
Not open
Just partnership

Quarrels
No relationship
Just severe
No tension
Just unmoving
No vengence
Just withering
No yakking
Just zonked

Pretender

I can't stand the her, so pretentious. Dislike her . I don't know why I dislike her even more. I have been very accomodating but no more of such. Days of being nice is over!

How do you let go

This time go for it? But how? How do you let go of someone you love? Especially if it has been 8 years! You have tried your best, patience, well, its definitely your game but even that is running out. Whats your plan is not his? So why be stuck in it?

Its always easier said than done. Many has said let go!Acknowledge the end! Accept there's no future and reestablish life! But how?! How to do that when you are feeling so miserable?

Well everything happens for a reason. Accept
that reality, move forward, plan for your future!

But how to forget the past when it is there before you?!

Let go! Free yourself from the hurt!

More pics of Lombok

Lombok Pics

Lombok Here I come

I am going LOMBOK...yeah....bored and sick of my life here....If I can go far on my own, I would have done it! Stay away and be far and be happy for at least a month! But too bad, I can't. So this short trip is fine!

Point of no return

Time and again I told you its over
Time and again I took cover
By thinking you are the perfect lover

Time and again you hurt me
Time and again I let it be

I'm tired of the cry
My patience is running dry

The only thing that is keeping me strong
Is this love I have inside

How long more can I endure
That I can't tell for sure
Thought this love we have is pure
You have tinted it to a point of no cure

Teacher

I want to be a teacher
Who will be a giver
It is not about getting richer
But about helping the weaker
I want to be a teacher
Who can be a motivator

Tuesday

Today is Tuesday
I started the day
Feeling gay
But you treated me like hay

Come what may
I'l make sure I don't pay
By keeping at bay
And stop the play

I thought you'd stay
That's what you say
So I just followed you way
But I see that I am heading for the slay

2001 to 2008

Dislikes when first met
Won't last was the bet
Mind was already set
That you would be thrown off the jet

But stayed as friends we did
I think I did my fair bit
To keep up the lid
And we really hit

What was friendship has changed
Into something strange
We went out of range
And put me in lange

An ultimatum I have decided
To leave coz I am jaded
The dreams I had had faded
With my heart embedded

A Glare

You said you can't say it
I know you aren't
Trying to force you to say it
Is something I can't

I have made a choice
Through the coy
I am creating all the joys
Thinking it is just a toy

I know I have said it before
And its a real bore
I need to get to the core
Before I walk out of the door

Friends, we are
Who have crossed the bar
A game that went to far
Have created the friendship
Ajar

Before it is too late
And leaving it to fate
I am opening the gate
And let go all the hate

It is clear
My dear
Of your fear
To set the gear

Coz love is not there
And you dont dare
Coz it may not be fair
As it is a glare
That you dont care

What is Happening

Why have I not been updating?
Coz so much had happened
And I lost count of them

Time is not on my side
It only makes me tired
Thinking of tomorrow

Why must tomorrow comes
When I am still unhappy of today

Celebrate Living

Why are we sad of small matter
When they tried so hard to live
Why do we keep complaining
When they are happy to see the day

Are we ever thankful of life?
When they struggle for theirs
Are we appreciative of our surroundings?
When they work hard to stay living

Travelogue: Bukit Tinggi Colmar Tropicale

I didnt get a chance to go far as I only had a short freetime due to my 'maid' duties. So I went to Bukit Tinggi and Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia instead with my friends and my sis. We set off at about 8 am. But reach KL at 4 pm. Super long journey. Pretty tiring too. Then we set off to Bt Tinggi after that. The place was really beautiful

Love

Maybe one day, you'd love me the way I loved
Maybe one day, you care the way I cared
Maybe one day you'd be missing me
Coz I will no longer be there

Maybe one day, you'd want me the way I wanted you
Maybe one day, you'd cry for me the way I cried for you
But maybe on that day,
I will not be there for you
Coz maybe that day, I do not want you

Love or love lost?

If you love it let it go, if it never comes back, it was never meant to be. Is this true?

Quotes

Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful."

Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him.

It’s hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does.

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew.

The worst way to love someone is to sit next to them, knowing they don’t love you back.

Why is the heart the most important organ if it breaks so easily?

I don’t run from you, I walk away slowly, and it kills me knowing you don’t care enough to stop me…

I am quick to give my heart away so you took it and throw it away quickly

Where there is LOVE, there is HURT.

Never make someone your everything, because if you lose them, you have nothing.

Why do I keep coming back to you?
Because iIam a fool that believes in hope

Memories

Looking back
This beautiful memory
Will stay deep in my heart

I may keep myself in this fantasy world
But the reality wakes me up everytime
I've invested a lot of time
With nothing in return
Only an illusion

The days we had are good
But I can't have the memories haunting me
So I'm backing off

Surely
These memories are preserved
Deep in this heart of mine
You will be there
Forever

A maze

Look me up when you are dizzy,
When everything is fuzzy,

But when between us is hazy.
The solution is easy,
Am I so mousy?

Are you that crazy
That act is gauzy
Because you are lazy,
So it's cozy
To leave when you are busy
And leave everything misty?

Well, I know I am a nobody,
Just to make them happy
You'd listen to everybody,
And leave me looking sappy?

What is wrong with life?

Oh God, I am so not looking forward to Monday when I will have to take up the duties of my maid for 3 weeks. It is rather sad and miserable to spend the holidays like that. But I dont have a choice.

Oh God, why must it be that way? Am I not destined to be happy? Am I that bad a person that I must stay unhappy all the time?

Oh God, could this be a sign that I should let go? And learn to focus on whats there and not what's not around?

Oh God. I know I should stop questioning. I asked too many questions, all of which have no definite answer.

Male Versus Female

Male Versus Female Jokes
The difference between men and women:A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells: "PIG"!!
The man immediately leans out his window and replies with "B-----!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner he slams into a pig in the middle of the road.

Thats just an opening joke. On a serious front, are there glaring differences between the two genders?

I have identified some difference and have taken the liberty to look them up in different websites and compile it here.

Differences
1. Men are stronger than women
Women are actually biologically stronger than men, especially in the first few years of their lives. More males die before born than females. Delevopmentally, males lag behind and men die early than women all over the world.

2. Males are more intelligent than females
Based on a finding, it is true, but there's a disclaimer as the research is done by a man. He claimed that men are five points ahead on IQ test during the adulthood stage. Men are more likely to win Nobel prizes and achieve excellence simply because they are more intelligent than women, according to a controversial male academic.

3. Men's brains are larger, but as they age, they also shrink faster than women's brains.
This may account, scientists say, for the fact that there are many more male mathematicians, airplane pilots, bush guides, mechanical engineers, architects and race car drivers than female ones. On the other hand, women are better than men in human relations, recognizing emotional overtones in others and in language, emotional and artistic expressiveness, esthetic appreciation, verbal language and carrying out detailed and pre-planned tasks. For example, women generally can recall lists of words or paragraphs of text better than men

4. Women use more of their brains when they think.
Women use the whole brain for activities but men halved that.

5. Women talk more than men.
Women talk almost three times as much as men, with the average woman chalking up 20,000 words in a day - 13,000 more than the average man. Researchers have found that connecting with another through talking will trigger the pleasure centers in a woman's brain, a high second only to an orgasm. And, if that wasn't enough, the simple act of talking triggers a flood of brain chemicals which give women a rush similar to that felt by heroin addicts when they get a high.

6. Women are better at distress sound
I can't find a valid source of that.

6. Men will think about sex more often than women.
Another topic that have many controversial differences.

I am sure there are many more differences between the two genders. Like they said, Men from Mars and Women from Venus. They are totally different but yet they are happy together.

Friends

You are good friends
You look good together
But yet, there can never be anything more

Mixed generation with different concept of commitment

A: He is happy with her but yet they can't be together cause she sees lots of fault in him

B: They are happy together, but the relationship with like an affair. She is hidden everywhere.

C: She is in love with her, he sees her as a "Fun Friend".

D: They are happy together, he sees them together but he can't see himself being committed.

Have you encounter such a situation? More often than not, these are the things that happened these days, the mixed generation issue, it is called. Well, how then can we unhooked this problem and create a better understanding of the two genders? I don't have answers to all the questions. Maybe you have?

My Kids did it!

I am in high moon when I found out one of my students is offered normal acad stream. But in the midst of all the celebration, I had one kid who failed. It was so sad. Being new in this, I had problem informing him that he didn't make it. What was worst when he actually said, "You told me if I work hard, I'll pass. Why I didn't pass when the rest pass?" I was suddenly in tears. I didn't have a reply. I know he has tried his best. I have seen a lot of improvement in him. I know with the right push from the right people, this boy will be able to make it. He just needs more confidence. Today, his mother finally decided to let him repeat another year. I am glad she made that decision. I hope he will make it next year. I've told him to approach me anytime if he needs help. I hope and pray I wont be too busy and be there for him. I want to ensure this kid make it next year.

To my student, Wei Lin, congrats. I am happy with your achievement. I want you to continue to work as hard and achieve your dreams, whatever it takes, perservere and move on. Always remember the fighting spirit.." DIE DIE MUST TRY". Never give up. To the rest, strive harder, the road may be a little bit longer and harder, but that does not mean it is close. It will be open as long as you continue to drive and push your way up.

To all my "Kids" congrats.

A note

Holding on to an empty heart
Really shallow inside

I blame no one for the pain
Only myself to have had it retained
Though there's nothing there to gain

The misery will be over
Just needed to take cover

Only by keeping the lifeline off
Though its hard as the heart is too soft

No despair is needed
Not defeated

Only blessings when expired
And memories be transpired

Suicide Note

I was reading suicide notes from internet. No! I am not planning a suicide attempt and NO I don't have suicidal tendency. Just that sometimes when life is not heading the way I want it to be and the depressive mode is switched on, I feel better after reading such letters and notes. I may sound selfish and self-centred but these notes actually make me feel better and I will realise how minute my problem is as compared to many others. It will then hopefully make me want to be alive and achieve other aims that I've set for myself. I would then want to focus on my objectives and one of which is living itself. It also made me realised, how foolish to live life in such sadness due to such ache

But I can't imagine, if I ever write a suicide note, then what would the content be?

Wiriting one may be my triumph! And my freedom of my own pain. I will write it one of these days. Then you'd be my judge!

All the memories filled me in a throb
Pretending to be dead
Escaping from reality
But this dead heart
Still bleeds

I am an enemy to my own heart
I just need it to be lifeless
Then the pain will not clasp my heart
So I could set it free

For the first time,
Things will never be the same again
For the first time,
It marks the end

Thought it would be better
But felt battered
Pain and tattered

Drowned beneath the bane
Sinking in the rain
Trying hard to keep sane

Feels like catching the first train
As pain is even in the brain
Already feels drained

PSLE is over....at least for my students

Yessssssssssssss......exam is over! Finally. So tiring! But happy that its over. My kids are also happy. I received many smses from them....all smiles and sounded really super duper happy. In fact, I was also in high spirit today, I never felt that...for the longest time. And what time school ended today for...1030am...the earliest I've ever had...and I left right after that....It sure felt good....finally...I'm able to just go off...without feeling stress that probably I've not given my students enough remedials....I'm called perverted, remedial queen and many other names...well...I had to...I feel responsible to ensure that the kids pass their exam or at least leave the school...I don't expect others to understand...I just need to ensure myself that I have tried my best for these kids...the rest is up to them and fate...not I am leaving everything in the hands of God...pleaseeeeeeeeee....let all my 22 kids pass.

Tired

I am super tireddddddddddddddddd. Waiting for this to be over....one week...and its over. To be precise its actually 4 days before the end....my students PSLE off course!

Ramadhan Gathering:Primary School Mates

Its been sooooo many years after I graduated from Primary School. Little would I know, I would meet all these people I spent those 6 years of my life now. Last Friday, we all had a gathering. It was sweet. Many of them are married with kids, a few changes (like adding a few kilos, and totally changed outlook) while others remain the same (as jovial as ever). I was told that I didnt change much. We spent the whole three hours or so reminiscing the moments.

Thanks to Mimi (Norhamimi), who got all our contacts from various networks(mostly Friendster I suppose), we met up at Seoul Garden. It was definitely a wonderful reunion. Too bad some of them couldnt make it. If not, it would have been so much nicer.

What a day it has been!

Its listening comprehension exam. Nearly half of the teachers from my school went to this particular school. It felt good to have all the 'kakis' there. Then it was a better news when I found out I don't need to invigilate the first part of LC. But kinda bored! I should have brought my marking...urgh...would have done lots of it then. We (4 of us) spent the morning chit chatting and zoning in and out of a few small talks. Then the first LC group came. I found out I also did not need to invigilate....isnt that great! So more sitting down chit chatting nonsense with my collegaues...now minus one as she had to take over someone who was not feeling well. While chit chatting, one of my male colleagues popped up with a weird question...."Why you don't want a bf?" Huh?! Didnt know how to answer that....I think they knew I am uncomfy with the question. Finally I said I am choosy....which is true....I am choosy. So that's the end of it.

Finally the second group came back. The counting of the scripts took ages....finally we left at about 2 plus....I was too tired so I went home...and what I did at home....slept...slept...slept....felt a piglet...heehee..But felt good too...it has indeed been a tiring week for me.

Teachers' Day Celebration in School

Caught in the act

Strike a post gals!

Click that!

Something stuck...

I am glowing...

Orchid Country Club: Teachers' Day Dinner

It was held at the place named above and the theme, Bollywood Nite. Well, it was definitely not a problem as it was my forte. The nite, it was okay, though I personally feel the MC was a crappy man. I can barely understand what he said. He dude is the joke himself...his jokes however, were not exactly funny. The opening for the nite, a Bhangra dance. That was surely cool...interesting acrobats. Show you a snippet of the event...not the event itself...but of a few teachers posing in pitch dark background.

You snap me, I snap you!

Bollywood Beauties

With Colleagues...

When it is over

Is it over?
It looks like it

You never said it
But its shown clearly
That it is over

This time,
No more rambling
A quiet retreat is chosen

Support is still given
Though I'd be gone for good
Tired of waiting,
And knowing it's in vain


Seeking new shores
Going for the dive
But doing it on my own
With no more obligations

Jealousy

“Jealousy is that pain which a man feels from the apprehension that he is not equally beloved by the person whom he entirely loves”Joseph Addison

Will you feel jealous if someone you loves is out with another person though it may be a friend? Spoke to a friend about it. And unbelievably, no jealousy was traced. However, the facial expression revealed a sense of jealousy but when asked further, the party was unpertubed about the issue and insist on having no reason to be jealous.

My question then is: If you are not jealous, does that mean you dont feel anything for the other party? Could it also be a scenario of “Yet he was jealous, though he did not show it, For jealousy dislikes the world to know it”Lord Byron as Love exist when jealousy is in existent" . So how certain can you be about how the person feels when he or she is not disturbed even though the other party the boyfriend or girlfriend is meeting used to like the latter. The reply my friend gave was the other party was no competitor. Maybe the level of confidence one has as "A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.”Robert A. Heinlein. Maybe there's truth to that. Rather than wasting time to be jealous about nothing, its best if one indluge in thinking about improving something.

Met an old friend

Isn't it nice to meet old friends?
Today I met an old friend.
It may be a short meeting,
But it was enjoyable
We catch up on old times
Talked about the new happenings
That was really wonderful

Had lunch at little India
Laughed about the old times
Laughed about new things
It surely felt great
Enjoyed the times

May you will have a great time there
And hopefully meet the girl of your dream
All the best wishes for you
Have fun in Japan

Today and Yesterday

Today is just great
Its wonderful

Today is magnificent
And history begins

Its simply marvelous
And beyond words

Why is it special?

Maybe because it's not yesterday

Yesterday,
That was a dread

Wasn't the day,
I'd rather forget

More of todays should come
And more of yesterdays should retreat
So happiness sets in
And miseries let go.

What will be

I know it won't
Secretly wishing for it

Sadly,
Prediction is coming true

Hopes,
Dashed to pieces

Dreams,
See fading away

Realisation,
Setting in

It may not be
Anymore

Hopes,
Cursed

Sadness,
Overpowering
And remains

Remote

When you need me,
I am searched
When you are busy,
I am thrown aside
How used I felt.

One day, I am thrown away
As I am seen useless
New one in exchange for me

I was sent to well I belong,
The dump
Resigning to my fate,
I told myself,
"This is the new place I will be"
Either with new owner or destroyed
Time will tell

Sad as it is,
Belonging to you,
I'll never be,
Ever again

Questions

Question after question were thrown
As the answers are all vague and blurred
Sounds were made to substitute response
Definite answers are not apparent
Probably since no value is attached to it

What a week it has been...

What a week it has been for me! Super vexed…super tired. Let’s talk about being super tired.

Last Saturday was my school’s CIMO (an open-house cum racial harmony day cum many more). I was in-charged of the Haunted House. The helper I got was super terrible, always disappearing, during the décor as well as during the event itself. Lucky for me, a colleague of mine, Winston, helped me a lot by doing a whole of things for me. He was a superb help although he was busy with own booth. I’m sure the “Haunted House” was a real success with lots of people entering it.

Then Monday and Tuesday, I was an Oral examiner for P6 Oral. On the first day, I had to take 22 students (EM2 kids). I had a hard time judging these kids. Had to be fair according to the EM2 level yet I know these kids were from the tail end. However, felt better when I was testing EM3 kids. I realized I could understand those kids better.

Come Wednesday, I had to go to NIE after school for a refresher course by Prof Chia. He was kind enough to give me a refresher course and Susan (my colleague) a Crash Course on OHP (Orchid Hybridisation). At the same time, we pollinated the first seedpod from our pollination about three months ago. On that day, I got real shocks. First, when I went to the orchid area, I realized that my second seedpod is plucked by someone (I have no idea who though). Rather sad to find out that coz it is such a tedious job to get it (though many people think what I am doing is easy, UNFORTUNATELY).

Then on Thursday, the day for BT Orientation was finally over. Super tiring…the whole day event. Phew, will pass it to the next BT…too tired.

Then finally, just when I thought I’d be free on Friday, my RO smsed me and asked if I do not mind attending a launch at Suntec. Off coz I had to agree…but seriously…I am super duper tired. Then at noon, after school, I finally asked her if its alright if I don’t attend the launch and luckily she said yes.

In btw those times, I also had to prepare slides, called suppliers for oreos and all my markings. But finally, the week is over. Next week will also be another long week for me, sadly though. And this makes me think of the direction I am heading after the 4 years. Do I or do I not want to stay? The question is still left unanswered. One thing for sure, I have the opportunity to leave now if I want, but would I take it? Not sure yet! Though some friends happiness made me want to leave. But leaving everything familiar to unfamiliar ground wouldn’t be easy, definitely!

Time Must Stop

There you were talking about the gals,
There I am thinking...
Thinking about us

There we were sharing,
Sharing about them.
There I am angry,
Angry about us.

Stop!
That I must do
You have your life,
I have mine!

Stop!
The dreams!
As dreams are dreams,
Will never be a reality.

Clarity is determined
Distance is made
No matter the closeness

Star

Twinkle twinkle little star
You are up high and so far
I won't reach even with the best car
I'l put the door ajar
Pray you can enter the bar
But I forget, you are a star!

Wishes Come True

Away, thats the plan
Since asking to stay
Is never going to be

Keeping at bay
It must be
As theres no other way

Trying to say
But it just go away
The moment I m treated like hay

Come what may
Its not an option to stay

Chocolate and Coffee

Chocs and Cafe
Known for short
Both are addictive
But yet so fatal

Chocs
Taste superb
But yet the calories counting
And the pain begins

Cafe
Marvellous as always
But yet the caffeine
Allows the agony to remain

Chocs
You melt in my mouth
The moment you linger on my taste bud

Cafe
You are my friend
My mornings and afternoons

Chocs and Cafe
Both great and wonderful
Wonder which is better
And more flavourable
Not here to decide
Or worst to argue
Both have special ablities
To hypnotize you away

You think I am dumb
I think you are bright
You think I am gory
I think you are right

I think you are proud
You think I am joking

I think you are quite ordinary from the crowd
But you think I am kidding for crying out loud

You think good stuff are meant to be shared
I think it is crap
Just an idea to scare
So what the hell,
I should stop to care

With all those dares
It is so unfair
Its my bloody heart that you tear
So you can blair for all I care

Venture

Venturing in one's heart
Looking for one's self
Fruitless search
Of the uncertainty in the hearts

Searching to clear the doubts
Finally release from the burden
Of being trapped
From the heart
That doesn't care