Think

I am not unhappy about the past
But I do wish to go into the past
I am okay with the present
But it doesnt mean I want to stay in it!

I dont look forward to the future
But look forward to the opportunities
I dont wish for changes
But I do not want to be stagnant

I don't know what I want
Coz I am evolving
My mind keeps changing
I want to stay the same
But yet, I want to be different

Him

Came when loneliness conquers the heart
Filled the empitiness with smiles
The time and moments are gone
Where sadness comes and goes

Treasures the moments together
And dream of the time to come
When she doesnt have to be alone
And he will swept her by

Will there be such time
She never knows
As she lives to know of the crime
That when SHE mimes
He will treat her like foes
And leave the past like throwing a dime.

A poem

It is gone,
Gone by the wind
As the day goes by,
It is shattered
With it, the dream passes by.

It is gone,
The day I remembered,
Seems to be empty
Yet with the ease
It flows.

It is gone,
The dreams are away,
But yet, the memory stays
With it, I treasured.

A Ray of Hope

THe last month has been super taxing for me. It definitely helped to get my life at the backseat as I was swamped with work. It als, however, allowed me to reflect about life, mine to be precise. Why hope and dream when it is wasted? Why waste the life when you are still living. I see a ray of hope in my life. A friend likes to tell me B-positive. Irony isnt it? Even in that there's a negative (-) sign. But according to him, if life is too perfect, you'd be bored and knowing you, you'd be miserable after a too perfect life...Hmmm...Yeah, a sad optimist, indeed a great oxymoron for someone like me. But yeah, due to the stress level and prolly humidity and all thats happening in my life, I had rashes. And yeah, due to the sleepless nights because of the itch, I started thinking....yeah, Im a cancer, so Im a thinker! I started thinking why should I worry and be sad so much of everything that goes wrong. Have I forgotten Murphy's Law? Anything that can go wrong will go wrong, especially if I am involved..haha...well...thats the sad optimist talking...definitely. But yeah, with all these things that happened, I reflected the past year. I am calmer, Im more patient, I take things with a stride and I value life much much more than anyone could ever imagine and more importantly, I love what I am doing and I am beginning to learn to be happy, despite of Murphy's Law acting its force on me! So yeah I am B-ing positive, whatever it takes, positivity, here I come at strong speed!

Fishing

Last weekend, I went to East Coast. At East Coast jetty, I saw many people fishing, yeah...interesting indeed....so many people, men and women, young and old very much occupied with the activity. Anyway, that aside, I saw something disturbing. After they caught the fish, these people left the fish to die on shore....instead of ending the fishes' life immediately. Off course, me, being me, commented a lot of things to my friend who was also there about the cruelty. Just imagine if these people had to go through that! I must say, if you want to fish, there are 2 ways you can do it, either kill it once and for all or put the fishes in water, at least, it wont be gasping for air....it was such a sad sight....how can they be eating those fishes they left to die like that...spare a thought!

The Event

King of fruits: Durian

What else would it be then? With its unique odour, and thorn covered husk, this fruit is indeed heaven, at least to most people. I think it comes from the malay word 'duri', which means thorns, it is rather pricky. This fruit can be rather powerful as its smell. I am not sure of the fact, but it is claimed to be 'heaty' and can cause excessive perspiration. To counteract that, there is a certain claim of pouring water on the shell after the pulp is taken out and drinking the water after consuming the durian.

It is also not advisable to have durians with beer, I am not sure the reason for that though since I dont drink and I rarely take durians.

But what I am unsure is why is durian smelly? Well here is the tale behind the smelly durian...http://everything2.com/title/Why+the+Durian+is+Smelly. However, I couldnt find the scientific reason for its awful smell...would love to know the answer to that!

New Encounters, Old Pain

Its scary how things are so similar
But yet so different

Its alarming that old wounds are opened
And I am the cause of it!

Its shocking how things evolve
From light to emotional

Its frightening if you can't face the fact
When I made a spectacle of myself

Its definitely myseterious
How life deters us from living

Its haunting if the past hunts us
And we died because of what happened to our 'former' life

Its difficult to let go of the past
But we must and we have to
Thats the only way we can start living
And we can move ahead

New Memories, Old ones

Well, wonder how it would be like if it didnt change
Imagine life to be different
Disturbing as it seems
Those thoughts visited me

It could have been different
But destiny as it is
Has arranged it to be this
And the flow of life follows

Imagine if things were different
Had it been this or that?
Will it be?
No, it wont!
So we must move on

Keep on walking ahead
Off course slow steps
Snails in fact
But it will be a success
If you try
It will only be a failure
If you stop living
Coz your heart doesnt stop breathing
Just because the person is not there!

If Tomorrow Never Comes

If tomorrow never comes,
I would want to live to the fullest.

If tomorrow never comes,
I want to be uplifted.

Happiness will give me strength
Happiness gives me a purpose
But happiness is rare

I thought I would not have survived!

I thought when it's over,
I'd be dead
I thought I would not be able to survive the ordeal
It was too painful

But I managed to live
I survived!
Though I'm scarred by the past,
I am moving on.

I am a better me today,
I don't live for yesterday no more.
Today is precious,
And tomorrow I'd build my future.

I have erased yesterday's memory
And fill it with today's dreams
I may still have my woes and worry,
But one thing for sure,
I have found a new me!
A new stronger me!
I can survive anything,
I am back from the world of dead,
To stay alive!

A Meeting with a Pyscho

It was definitely a scary meeting. The day started of as usual. It was the day before my exam, last Tuesday to be precise. I went to the Community Centre, as usual, to study. Mas came along as we had planned to study together. An hour plus after, a psycho went into the study room. He definitely looked like a psycho, the way he slammed the door and pressed the buttons on the aircon controller. Mas and I smiled in agreement but we didnt say anything. About 10 minutes later, as Mas and I were about to discuss on one of the questions on the mock exam paper, the guy came and shouted to us, "Can you two girls shut up? I would appreciate it if you two shut up!" He did that at the top of his voice. Then Mas, who is definitely a fighter, started to point out the fact that he lowered down the temperature at 16 degrees when everyone else was feeling cold. He said, "I don't care. I am feeling hot." So what Mas did? She went towards the controller and increased the temperature. Next thing that happened was a push from the pyscho. He pushed he hard I must say. Mas started getting really angry and an argument started. Then in the midst of it, Mas showed him how hard he pushed her, though I must say, not that I am siding her, her push wasnt as hard as his. When Mas pushed him, he suddenly lunged towards her and strangled her on her neck. I was too shock to react. But after getting back my composure, I pulled him from his back, worried that he could cause harm to my friend. He pushed me aside and brushed his long fingers on my arm which resulted with a scratch on my arm. Then we started screaming. By then another girl who was at the study room had gone down to report the case to the staff. We decided to report this nutcase to the police. We went down as well, with him screaming names and vulgarities at us. As we knew we had no time with police report and all, we decided to let the CC called the policce instead.

About 15 to 20 minutes later, the police came and took our statements. Apparently they could not arrest him as it is under involuntary cause of hurt or something along that line. Then, the policewoman even told my friend that she is at fault as she retaliated. As we are tide up with our revision and could not waste time, we decided not to press charges. The crazy dude is freed. However, the CC gave out a letter to inform him that he could not enter the premise again. At least, somehow, at least something was done.

I was rather taken aback by a few things here, first how the authority, in this case, the police reacted to the case. They placed everything in a matter of factly, without considering how we could have felt at that moment, especially after such traumatic incident.

Another issue I was disappointed was how a friend reacted. I mean, if you tell this to anyone, they would not think its funny as it is indeed, not funny. But this friend of mine, laughed and made a joke out of it, which made me pissed. Really showed, how much a friend I am to the person!

The story: Nurkasih

Well, the synopsis of the drama is, guy strayed out of the religion in the parents (to the dad) and arrange the son to marry a religious gal of the father's choice, though both the gal and the guy were against the marriage and the guy has a gal back in Australia and the gal has an uncompleted dreams...it makes me reflect how selfish parents can be. Yes, I agree they want the best for their children, however, if your child thinks another person is right for her, accept her and not give him options which are dead end for him. I dont understand why parents in modern society react in this manner. Yes, true, this is just a story, but it is a reflection of the asian community, especially some minority groups who think very highly of their clans or groups, which to me is just stupidity. What the parents only ruin is their child's happiness and the other party who si with the child. Well, maybe its easier to look it from my view and give my comments as such as I am not a parent myself. Maybe I will never understand such circumstances and conditions as I have not reach to a point where I need to 'help' my child (if ever I have any) decide what would be good or bad for him/her. But at least, at this point of time, I am sure I will allow my child decides for himself or herself what would make the child happy. And will not give stupid conditions where I know the child has no choice but to accede to my demands.

Mani and Pedi session

Today is another manicure and pedicure session for me....I just realised that I have been going to the place a tiny bit too many times this month, wonder why....boredom I suppose! But today I have pretty nails....but now one of my big toes is spoilt...sob sob!

Liliput

Whee...I had a fantababulous time at Liliput yesterday. Well, in case you don't know what the hell that is, its miniature golf. And the best part, I won over my friends. Shhh....can't tell them..hahaha. Well, its one game I am definitely better than them, this is it. But, I did faced a few challenges, like going uphill. The ball refused to go uphill. My score would have been much better on flat ground. Well, its a start. Maybe I am fated to play golf....hmmm....maybe I should learn it professionally...haha...well...someone told me once, dream big..I think this is just fantasy on my part..lol!

The Karaoke Session That didnt happen

Yesterday, Ju, Mas, Nur and I had planned to go karaokeing before a boardgame session. But did it happen?! Nope, Nur called me at 5 pm to tell me she has overslept...when I called her at 430 for a meeting at 6. Hmmm...then Mas had an argument and keep saying she was on the way...just say you cant make it, not on the way when you are not! Thats how I feel!

Food glorious food

Last Friday was really FOOD DAY! My buddies and I had a whole lot of food, just the 3 of us with 5 dishes in front of us. We ate so much that I had skipped dinner and breakfast the next day. We had orange chicken, black pepper crab, baby kailan, seafood tomyam and beancurd hotplate. Its cheap! All the dishes with rice and all was 40 bucks...pretty cheap for a spread. And yeshie, we finished mostly all the food on the table!

Feelings

I have been feeling useless lately. I dont know why. I have been looking my the purpose in my life but yet I find no answers to it. It is scary what I thought of doing. There are many things I want to do and planned to do but all that dashed 3 to 4 months ago. Too bad, I have realised one thing through all these, nothing happens when you planned, everything seems to fumble, especially so for me. Its probably my luck. The one thing that keep me going is my work, even then some parents think I am not an efficient educator. Where they had heard it will remain a mystery but if I could share it with them, I work extremely hard for my students. Ive been doing so and I can safely say, I may not be the best teacher, Im definitely not a bad one.

The Long "Awaited" Holiday

Normally, I would look forward to holidays, always excited and gearing and planning for holidays and spending time with different people who are significant in my life. But this year, somewhat a big part of me is taken away and it makes me feel empty. Lucky for me, I have many nice people who are around who have made life a little bit easier, my colleagues whom Im spending a fair bit of time with, my buddies who are always around when I need to rant or when certain things make me depress and for the friend who is willing to hear and endure my nonsense though my views and wishes are very much against you choice in life. I have talked about weirdest issue about life as I look at life in a more microscopic view these days, it even scares me sometimes.

Time when I need you most

At the beginning,
I was looking forward to it
Spending those moments
But now that its near
With the empitiness within me
Its just a pain
To even realise its approaching

I know I'd feel miserable
I wish it could just pass
As without the purpose
The meaning is gone