So many things happened

So stupid....
What you did was stupid?
What were thinking when you decide its ok to do it?
Throwing our life away?
Throwing what you have built?

All confidence lost
Week of hell
Meeting with the heads
Sickness falls
And now facing this?
Hmmm, what else can you take?
Would things get better?
Would the stares go away?

Many things you fear?
What if they see? What if they know?
What if this and what if that?

Stop! Stop!
You can't deal this anymore
Lest craziness follows

STOP! STOP!
But would you?
Doubt it
As it may be short,
It may be gone tomorrow
But you can always hope
Things get better
However slim it may be

Which of the two is better?

Is to have love but swinging around?
Or to have love and rejected?

Is to have but not to own?
Or to never have the one you own?

Is to care but not loved?
Or to love but not cared?

Is to cure but a pain?
Or to have pain but pleasure?

Is to have happiness but boredom?
Or to have misery in elation?


This is the philosophy of love one may face yet may not resolved. Can love ever be rational? An ejection of emotion that defies rationalism?

Love may be intense but yet painful. Can we ever be satisfied through our idealistic view? Does it also mean loyalty? Then why all the infidelities? Why the insecurities? Love is pure with no grudges but we bear so much pain and flaws? Can we ever have an answer to all the questions?

The Words

The words
So near yet so distant
So real yet so aerial

Yes, sure, yep
No, nope, dunno
These are words
More often than not,
They played in the thought

If more than a word came out from the knot,
A miracle is definitely hot to spot


But as it appears,
Soon after, it disappears
Like a spear
It will give you a tear
And like a whisper
In the ear,
Wish you may hold it dear
But the departure is what you fear

Caught in the MIddle

I am caught in the middle of right and wrong
For the wrong, everything else is right
For the right nothing else but one is wrong

So what should I do?
To let go of both?
One helps to show the light
Yet the other in total darkness

One you see your future
The other you are lost
But through the wrong,
One appears so right
Though its gravely wrong

Care

Do you think they care?
Do you think they give a damn?
Do you think it will be normal?
Do you think everything will be okay?

Will things change?
Will life be simpler?
Will you stop pondering?
Will time heal it all?

What the hell is wrong?
What is not right?
What could you do to make it right?
What is happening to you?

For goodness
Make it right now
Before you fall deep into it
Turn and look
Instead of pondering
Things will never be the same
Things will never be okay.

If only you take time to realise
That it will not change
Because you want it to change
It will always be same
You will be treated in similar pattern
No matter what you do
Things can never be right anymore
As you have set on a wrong path.
So why care?

Last Weekend

What a weekend it must have been
Everyone was busy except me
Called A, B and C...
Replies were "Gee, I am busy"

As depressing as it was to be
I checked my list from A to Z
And asked each out for a tea

Replies were sad you see
Again, "Not this weekend Zee"

So I spent my weekend with my familiy
These are the people are there for me

Thinking back and see,
Not a bad weekend
I have to agree
Around the loving arms of my family

A dream

If I could hold on to that dream
I would.
If I could keep that fantasy
I would.
If I could make you stay
I would.

Instead it is just a dream
Of which I do not want to be awake

Stay asleep is what I want
Facing the reality is what I must
Coz letting you go is what I can't
but it would be a gift I give myself

To move forward I refuse
To be awake I am induced
So I won't be swallowed
In my own dreams.

You have taught me many
One could never take your place
Even if one is able to come into it
This heart has a special place
Just for you.

Though letting you go is not a choice
Letting you off from my heart is what i deny
As there you will stay
Forever.

Revelation

You came when sadness surrounds me
A shoulder was all I needed
You glued me back from pieces

But now its you that I want
But its you that rejects me
And its you who sees me as a pest

After the revelation
Things change
Friends no more
Cast aside

Nothing more
nothing less
Fear
Is your reason to stay away

Soccer Night

What I did on a Saturday night? Hmmm, watching soccer on TV: Singapore vs Malaysia (should have been there actually but due to something, had to stay home). I thought team Singapore was pretty good, but a waste, many chances were missed and sadly, we defeated a goal through a very stupid mistake. I was told Lionel Lewis is one of the best goalkeeper in Singapore, but from what I observed during the match, that goal was never meant to be had he kept it in place properly. So what I did, being alone at home, I smsed my sis who was at the National stadium and told her, Gosh Singapore has to lose with such a petty goal.

But, thank goodness, at 74th minute, Singapore stayed focus and scored a goal. And keeping very close contact with my sis at the stadium, she informed me that there was a fight between Malaysia and Singapore supporters. Interestingly, that should be fun to watch (though I did tell her to keep away from that area). Now suddenly, my excitement (though watching it alone) roared high and believe it or not, I am cheering for Singapore alone at home (I must say, its kinda sad doing that alone).

Going to the extra time, there was still no score but one can see many occasion where Mr Lewis and his defenders were not working in tanderm. It slowed down a little and looking like the match would end with sudden death. Roaring again at 22nd minute of extra time, yet, another point at losing possesion. And moments later, at 23rd minute, poor concentration again by Singapore. But soon after, Precious (like what a name rite) kicked and nearly hit home a win but was well-blocked by Malaysia's goalkeeper. And even at home, you can hear the swears and screams of the fans (the familiar tunes back from the Malaysia cup days) and not forgetting the horns. They just seem to be enjoying every moment of it. Extra time over, and now the scary moment, PENALTY SHOOT OUT.

First: Indra (GOAL)
First: Mal (Goal)
Second: Alam Shah (GOAL)
Second: Mal (Goal)
Third: Mustafic (GOAL)
Third: Mal (Goal)
Fourth: Faizal (Goal)
Fourth: Mal (Goal)
Fifth: Jia Yi (GOAL)
Fifth: Mal (No Goal)


And with penalty kicks, Singaopore WON! YEAH! SO happy, singapore made my day! I am sooooo happy. Final: SINGAPORE vs Vietnam or Thailand (most likely Thailand).

My darlingz

These are my new darlingz...my kids for everyday from 7.15 till about 1 pm. They are my students. Heard a rumour that may change soon. May be switching classes with another colleague. Hmmm, I am miserable about that, but if that comes, can I say no? Off coz not, though I do feel like a ball, being bounced around. But till that comes, I shall savour the moment with my devilish yet angelic darlingz.

Plans that falter

Trying to leave,
But can't
Trying to forget,
But fails
Trying to let go,
But falter
Can one stop trying?

Planning to depart,
But stay
Planning to be apart,
But inseparable
Planning to divert
But unachievable.

Wish

I wish I can fly like a bird
Go away from everything
See the world

I wish I can fly a plane
Then I would be able to stop
Where the world belongs to me

I wish I can fly myself
Spread my wings
And fly my way home

Happy New Year 2007

Welcoming 2007, it is a big year for me...a year where I am hoping of changes in life and in everything else I tackle. I hope all of you have a good year ahead and have a wonderful time, great work and most importantly, happiness with the loved ones.

Nina, Zee, Zar, Rin, Rina, Zazabie and finally Zarinah

Travelogue: Australia

It was indeed the most expensive trip ever. Before I went, there were several hick ups. Due to my busy schedule, I was unable to give a date. After I gave a date to my friend and still busy, she was unable to make the arrangement on tics and stuff. So when we finally book tics, we only manages to get tickets by Garuda via transit. I paid about $1400 plus for the whole package to Perth (super expensive...yeah). Then the hick up about hotel and all. After emailing to a lot of backpackers hotel and lodge, we finally took the deal from Wel travel (thanks to Irwan for this) for our stay at Aarons Hotel in Pier Street.

Day 1: 20th December
We set off on that date. I was very excited and looking forward to the trip. While in the cab, I saw this motorbike full of flowers. Damn, I didnt take a pic of the dude. Its cool in an ugly way...hehe...dunno how to describe it...the sunflower bike, even his helmet was full of sunflowers. Anyway that aside, before we know it, we were at the airport, waiting for our flight. It took a while till finally the staff called us, and informed us that we will be stuck inJakarta for a day. We got really worried as they refused to inform us if we will be compensated for this. Then finally when we reached Jakarta at about 11 pm, we were informed that the flight will be delayed till 7 am the next morning instead of 115 am. So we were sent to this hotel called Radin for a rest, complimentary of Garuda. The hotel is pretty nice and the staff were hospitable. We were given dinner, the food was not that bad after all. Pretty good in fact. But our spirit was a little dampen due to the delay.

Day 2: 21th December
The plane finally set off at 830 am. After having a terrible dinner in the plane the previous day (though compensated with a hearty dinner at the hotel), I was in no mood for breakfast in the plane. True enough, they served terrible scrambled egg, hotdog and a few slices of potatoes. I didnt eat much then. Was too excited to reach Perth. Finally at about 2 pm (Perth time, an hour after Sg), we reached Perth International Airport. But the person who was suppose to pick us up for airport transfer was not there. A few calls was made by Yana and then finally about an hour later, the pick up came and sent us to Aarons Hotel. We were greeted by a smily staff (nice guy from Bangladesh). After registering, we finally got our room keys and headed to our room. We took a shower and by 5pm, we went out again, venturing Perth city. Damn, it was rather cold, the wind was chilly. Anyway, Noi bought a few stuff. They were rather expensive. Not worth it to me. After walking around and looking at things eventually, I succumb to the shopping needs and bought a few things too. Finally we all headed home (then was Aarons hotel). We took our shower and then head to bed as we have to get up super early the next day.

Day 3: 22nd December 2006
I got up at 430 am (530 am Perth time) to shower. After showering, I woke Yana up (it was difficult to wake this gal up). Then finally my sis woke up. We had planned trip today and suppose to be at Sightseeing centre by 8am (Perth time). We had our breakfast and asked the waitress the location of the sightseeing centre. She actually gave us the wrong route (but she is a nice gal from China). Then we asked the hotel staff again about the location, it was actually just 5 minutes walk from our hotel. So what we did was we went out, look around the place, take a few more pictures and finally went to the bus bay for pick up for our sightseeing. We are planned for Perth and Fremantle city tour. When we stepped into the bus, it was super smelly. I nearly puked. Probably someone must have puked in the bus the day before and they didnt clean it up properly. Anyway, the drive was rather a bore as they only showed us around in the bus.

We didnt get to stop and take pictures. We finally stopped at King's Park and walk all the way to the War Memorial Centre. Thats not far actually but it was a beautiful walk with many beautiful sights. Then we board the bus again and headed for fremantle.

There we were given an hour to shop. We decided not to take the bus home and venture on our own. After informing the driver, we walked around fremantle and shopped and take a few more pictures. Finally we rested at Freo Curry. The gal who attended us is Indonesian. The food is just okay (not that great) but she is hospitable. She gave us directions to Eshed market (even drew a map). We thank them and find our way to Eshed. There, more bargains to come. Everything was cheap (not to Sg but compared to the stuff in the city). Then we took a train (we didnt know how to use the machine, it was not really user friendly I must say). We took the train back to Perth city (cost $3.20 per pax). From Perth city, we walked back to our hotel. It was a rather tiring walk. Then, after showering, we went out again and headed to Karache Cafe (rude owner who happened to be someone from Sg). So we headed to Oleh-Oleh cafe (definitely much better and friendlier). We had our meals then went to Northbridge to check out the place. Then headed back to the hotel.

Day 4: 23rd December 2006
This is the pinnacle trip. After driving extremely far, we finally made our first stop at Caversham Wildlife Park. I touched the back of a koala and fed the kangaroos. It was fun, but sadly it was rather short. We set off again to the pinnacle. continue on to the Nambung National Park, home of the amazing Pinnacles Desert. There, the driver took us a walk through parts of a fascinating landscape covering some 404 hectares. Then Yana went sandboarding at the dunes. As I do not want to have problems with my eyes, I didnt do it coz the wind was super strong. The highlight was definitely the 4WD drive. It was like a roller coaster, fun. By the time we got back to our hotel, we were too tired. No one wanted to buy food so we decided to eat in the hotel.

Day 5: 24th December 2006
We walked on our own. First, we headed to the Swan Bell. It was pretty nice. The old lady who was there was super strong. It was definitely not easy to pull the bell as it was extremely heavy. Then after that, we continued walking. After that, we took the Blue Cat around and stopped at places to take pictures. We also went to Perth City mosque, Old Port, Swan River, Library, Museum, Art Centre, etc. I can see myself living in Australia. Its relaxing and nice.

Then we headed back to the hotel. We showered and again went out to do some last minute shopping. Then went back again. After that Yana and I went to Northbridge to check out the clubs but Noi stayed in the hotel as she was tired. We took a cab there. Initially, I was pretty worried. What if theres drunkards there? There were many what ifs I must tell you. But it wasnt that bad. However we didnt stay long as I was having a headache. But I must comment the bouncer at Base is goodlooking and nice. So at 12 plus, Yana and I left and went back to the hotel, ready to go home the next day.

Day 6: 25th December 2006
The day we went home. We had boxed breakfast. The hotel transfer was late again so we had to wait. We got to Bali and shopped a little bit at the Airport. I even had a foot massage which was nice especially after all those walking previously. So thats the end of my trip to Australia.

Would I go there again? For holiday, maybe not Perth. I would want to see Brisbane, Melbourne and Sydney. But to stay, ya...definitely. Perth is a nice place to live in. But after saying that to my mum, she got rather irritated...hehe...so doubt I can do that. Maybe a teaching stint for a year or two....probably that should be alrite.

My Trip

One of my most expensive trip ever....Whatever it is...Australia...here I come!

The Past Versus the Present

What I need to let go in 2006:
1) The life I have had in 2006(i.e. my past).
2) Those who need to be out of my sight for my own good (out of sight, out of reach).
3) My travelling partner (coz she will be concentrating on engagement and marriage soon).
4) Blocking things (because of my dreams and stupidity).
5) Blocking out certain brain cells that are purely damaging to me

What I need to achieve in 2007:
1) Find new friends for travelling (any takers?)
2) Find new friends to blabber and complain
3) Pu things back into perspective
4) Allow more opportunities for myself
5) Check on my potentials and not my flaws
6) Being more loveable and approachable (especially to certain people)
7) Treasure what God is giving me and not want what I can't get

Vexed
Tired
So today marks the end

Exhaustion
Weary
For all the pain

Extinct
Dead
Thats what the heart is

Crippled
Disgusted
Thats what the body feels

Depleted
Exasperated
That how the mind goes

To end it all
Chase for freedom
For happiness
Let go of the past
Exhume
Then a new beginning reveals

No more

No more answers are required
No more questions seek

No one to probe
No one to bother

No more pain
No more trouble

Leave
To recover

Heal
To be stronger

Endurance
To better yourself

As you are stronger than you believe
If only you believe in yourself more

Questions

The one you seek is never there
The one you adores do not care
The one you love forgets

Is that fate upon you?
Is that how life will always be?
Is that why you are forsaken?

Do not despair
If he does not care
There are others out there

What a day it has been...

Yes, its holiday alrite, and yes, without a doubt I am having a ball of a time, celebrating my holiday. But it has been quite a bore. Been trying to plan stuff to do these days so I do not disturb friends and be a nuisance to other people. And yup, one thing I need to learn to do now is watch a movie alone....dunno...I used to do it in the past, but off late....doubt I can do likewise, just feels weird to be watching a movie all by myself...blame it on all the company I have, made me a less dependent person. Hmmm...I planned to learn some primary science stuff before I teach them again next year...but have I dont it...well I stopped at chapter 2...how progressive rite...and I have been complaining to people I am bored...gee...what the hell rite...if I am bored, I should be doing all that instead of complaining...I suppose if my friends were to count ( I hope they don't), there must have been more than a hundred times I said that sentence...poor them. Secondly, planned to do many difficult math questions....did I do any...answer is none...horror...I should start now...before I dont have time to even start next year....the only thing I did so far is read...well....standard....my novels...been a long since I read...wanted to read a few more of Mitch Albom's books....I read Tuesdays with Morrie the last holiday...was nice...thought this time wanna read a few of his other books...maybe I will soon...if I have the time...currently I am reading one of Robyn Sisman books...well...sweet and nice but impactful...doubt so...I am also trying to get my hands on the book "To kill a mockingbird"...but have not....ok...up to now...a few things I need to do...don't want to be too ambitious this time...a must do during this hols.
1) Go for a holiday
2) Read all those books I mentioned above
3) Disturb fewer people and have more time to myself and I