You think I am dumb
I think you are bright
You think I am gory
I think you are right

I think you are proud
You think I am joking

I think you are quite ordinary from the crowd
But you think I am kidding for crying out loud

You think good stuff are meant to be shared
I think it is crap
Just an idea to scare
So what the hell,
I should stop to care

With all those dares
It is so unfair
Its my bloody heart that you tear
So you can blair for all I care

Venture

Venturing in one's heart
Looking for one's self
Fruitless search
Of the uncertainty in the hearts

Searching to clear the doubts
Finally release from the burden
Of being trapped
From the heart
That doesn't care

A week early

I'm back in school, a week earlier that I should. Tiring on its first day. Probably because I have been holidaying for quite a bit that a little bit of work tires me. Did Science to prepare the kids for PSLE (not my own students). Lecturing a class of 40 can be pretty tiring. Also because I don't know most of the kids. I only know a handful of them. But it went pretty well. I hope the kids were able to grasp of the process skills that were taught. Tomorrow will be supplementary lesson for my own students. Hopefully, they will not give me problems in the next six months. Hoopefully, it will be fruitful and nice teaching them the last few months before their PSLE. Above all, I hope they will do well...will promise some rewards for those who do well....bribery... nope...they are incentives...:)

A message that shouldn't be

A text sent,
Hoping for a reply,
From the one that's missed

A sincere reply
Seeking by you
Expects nothing else

Many received
None from the one you wait

The distance makes the bridge harder to cross

So a wish made,
Knew truth isnt what you seek
But its what you deserve

Gone are the smiles
Coz the truth is out

New adventure seeks
No more of the dream
Pursuing the ordinary

Black

Absence
Black Tie
Cultures
Dress and death
Elegant
Funeral
Gemstone
Hats
Inconspicuous
Lack of light
Mysterious
Night
Onyx
Polarities
Restful emptiness
Solemnity
Threat
Uncertainty
Vanity
White

Travelogue: Turkey

Destination: Turkey aka Turkiye by the Turks
Time Frame: 10 Days
Cost: $2160 (plus Insurance)
Important information: 5 hours behind Singapore
Important Information: Bargain is a must in Turkey (@ least 50% off the price)

Day 1
At the airport at 9 pm. Set off at 11.10 pm (SG time) to Turkey on Flight TK67.

Day 2
Arrived in Turkey at about 6.30 am (TK time). Changed some US currency to Turkish Lira. First place of visit was the Blue Mosque (Sultan Ahmet Camii). Magnificent sight which looks heavenly. Then next to it was a memorial place for the Earthquake's victims in 1999. Then proceeded to Aya Sofya (St Sofia Museum). Unique, with features of Islamic and Christian beliefs, bounded by many histories. Next was the Topkapi Palace ("Palace of the Cannon Gate"). It was home of the Ottoman (Osman) sultans for nearly 400 years. Then went onboard a ship with the bus on it to Bursa which is the 4th largest city in Turkey. On board, drank Turkish tea, really bitter. Also had a taste of the pita bread which was super hard and difficult to swallow. Then proceeded to the first hotel at Bursa, Kervansaray. The hotel is nicely decored and looks beautiful. Rested for the night there.

Day 3
Set off at 730 am. First place visited was the Grand mosque (Süleymaniye Mosque). It was the oldest and the largest mosque in the city. Then we went to Green Mosque (Yesil Mosque). It is an elaborate and significant building in the new Turkish style. Got its title "Green" from its gardens and parks, and of course from its being in the middle of an important fruit growing region. Then we went straight to Koza Han (Silk Market). A covered bazaar with many beautiful scarfs and shawls. After lamb kebabs for lunch, we had a treat to Turkish delight. Bought quite a number, rather expensive in US dollars. Then was a long journey to Kusadesi. Rested at Grand Ozcelik Hotel. Sea view. From the balcony, you can see a beautiful sight of the sea. Took several pictures of sunset and sunrise.

Day 4
After breakfast, went to leather factory. Watched fashion show. All the stuff were super ex, so didnt get anything from there. But the models, at least one of them was gorgeous. Then after that, went to the House of Virgin Mary. Located in located in a nature park between Ephesus and Seljuk. Then went to the Ephesus (Efes). Believed to be under the Roman empire. What was left was its ruins. It would definitely be a beautiful place. It was located at Izmir. After lunch, headed to Pamukkale, which was about 2 and half hour drive. Stayed at Pamukkale Lycus River. They had a thermal pool. We didnt go in though.

Day 5
The morning started with a long journey to Capadocia. The first pitt stop was after 1.5 hour jouney, the first one before lunch. After another 1.15 hour, we had our lunch, another Turkish lunch. The food served was good. After that we continued the journey for yet another 1.5 hour before we had another pitt stop. The next stop was Traders' Hotel. There we met a cute two-year-old boy named Yahya. If you were to see him, you may not guess he is 2 years old, look like 4 to 5 years old. During our jourey, the guide also pointed out about the significance of huge cola kinda can on the roof of some houses in an Anatolian area. The purpose of the cans is to signify that there are virgin ladies who are ready for marriage in the house. Interesting right, can't imagine that in Singapore. We continued our journey and eventually reached the Dinler hotel, where we stayed for 2 nights. It was big and nice. It was pretty cosy and was located at Shihir town.

Day 6
The day started with a carpet factory. We saw a lot of beautiful carpets with magnificent designs. It was however super duper expensive. Next was Gerome museum. There are many churches in between the museum. The kitchen area is spacious yet constricted. You should be there to witness it. Words can't describe it. Food was served in a cave restaurant in Capadocia. Then we went to the Jems store called Pyramid.It sells gold, silver, onyx and stones. It is well-known for its stones and I found out that turqoise is actually known as Turkish blue and a popular and expensive stone in Turkey. Interesting to watch how the stone suddenly becomes translucent and shiny after polishing. After that, we went to Underground city. It was stuffy. We had to bent and the pathway was small and narrow. We were told that there are still a small group of people living in such caves. The temperature was 15 degrees celcius so it was rather cold. We went back to Dinler Hotel at 4.30 pm. We didn't managed to go on hot-air balloon as it was super expensive, priced at US$180.

Day 7
I woke up at 5 am though the wake up call was 5.30 am. After breakfast at 6.30 am, we set off at 7.30am. The first stop was Pottery store. It was underground. There, I was picked to try out pottery. My end product looked terribly ugly. We bought a clock at 45 Lira in the store. On the way to Ankara, we were stopped by the police for random check. The officer was super good-looking...ahaha. At the pitt stop, I had a back massage using the massage machine. It only cost 1 Lira. The things there are super bloody expensive. We had lunch at Uchisar. We were told that the restaurant is popular amongst Ministers. The food served was Iskender kebabs and lentil soup. Desert was a turkish dish, a vermicelli like sweet with cheesy....it was cheesily sweet. We reached Ankara about 2 hours after lunch. Ankara, the capital of Turkey is a business district. However, Istanbul is seen as the commercial capital. We then visited Ataturk Mausoleum. Atarturk was seen as the Father of Turkey. His name was Mustafa Kemal. He brought independence to Turkey from the Greek empire. He was the first president of Turkey. According to the guide, he was a women's man but he never got married. The Mausoleum is adorned with statues, relief's and embellishments created by many of Turkey's artists. Then we went to Yadoer Otel. The hotel was well-decorated. It has a beautiful tree-top at its garden. Dinner was a 3-course dinner. However, the breakfast was one of the worst one. During our journey back to Istanbul, we had a stop over for photos. We also paid for the Bosphorus Cruise which cost US$55. We also had XXL meal at Burger King. It cost 10 plus Lira, shared between the two of us. At night, we went for a belly dancing show at Kansaray Club. There we met a superb singer. An old man who could sing songs from many different languages. He was very entertaining. Though I wasn't entertained by the belly dancing, I think their Anatolian dance was fun and interesting.

Day 9
The final day in Turkey was a free day. However, having taken the cruise, the guide first brought us to the Spice bazaar. Unfortunately, it was closed. We only got stuff outside the bazaar area. Things were pretty cheap there. Then we went ahead to the Bosphorus cruise. The cruise was an hour long. We took lots of photos during the cruise. After that, we went to a place like Clarke Quay. We didn't buy anything much as nothing there interest me. We spent some time at burger king. We noticed that the service people there are all men. After that, we went shopping at the biggest shopping centre in Europe. It looks like our Takashimaya. Stores like Zara, Topshop and a few known brands are there. It was however a bit more expensive that Singapore. After two hours, we headed to the airport. It was parting time for Sibel (our guide) and us. After hugging sessions, we checked-in. We took TK66 home at 11.45 pm.

Day 10
At 33o pm, we reached Singapore. Home sweet home at last.

Some Turkish words we learnt there:
Yavash yavash: slowly slowly (often said by our guide)
Gooniden (Good Morning)
Fine (Iem)
Giris (Entry)
Cikis (Exit)
Kach para (How much)
Choke para (Very expensive)
Yo para (No money)
Indrem (Discount)
Teasyukur Enderum (Thank you)
Monduer (candle)

Couting the days...

Wow, before I know it, holiday is here. The time I look forward to. But I realise I feel quite empty. Hahahaha, weirdly, I want school again. Ya, crazy. Maybe because of the sudden feeling of being free after a hectic and quite scary period. Well, many things happened during this semesters.

Besides having many meetings with one of the big bosses because of the kids under my charge, I also got into a few troubles myself (trying to forget the details). Whatever, it is, everything is solved now. I sure hope the new semester brings new beginning and challenges but not problems for me.

Anyway, next week, I'd be flying to turkey for 10 days. Initially, I was excited and looking forward to it but after the bomb blast, not really. I am kinda worried. Hopefully nothing happens, especially to my sis. I don't really care about me, just doesnt wanna go home and face problems. So hopefully we will both be fine. Then it will be an experience I wont forget, an exotic place.

The truth

Then, there were the doubts
Now its obvious

Then, swooned
Now broken

Previously, sweetness
Now shattered

Happiness and wonderful
Turned sour
When the truth emerged
Reflection seen directly

Pretense
Ignorance
But never forgotten

Steps to Don't Know What

First Step: Friendship

Second Step: Humiliation, Beginning of the end?

Third Step: A fight, Number deleted (stupidly memorised it)

Fourth Step: Silent

Step 1, 2 and 3

Next Step: Message after message ( Due to stupidity)

Anger thrown

Then, an invitation but rejection

Expected

After which, pictures erased

Memory still clear

Hopefully fading away

With the distant

Strength surfaced

Disappearance

All change

James Blunt - Tears And Rain Lyrics

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.

How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.
I guess it's time I run far, far away;
find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same:
it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.
How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.

How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.I'm so cold from fear.
I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

Crestfallen

Fallen tree
What happened?

Just yesterday,
You triumph in success
You stood tall
Fruitful

Today,
Crestfallen
Bare and abandoned
Dried and dejected

Are the days cruel?
Were the weather against you?
Were there troubles?

Obviously
You've taken so much pain
All your best dreams
Shattered
Trashed
Because of the rainy days

Life isn't treating you well
But you endured
For whatever it is,
You were once strong

The End of Beginning

Do I mean anything
Off course not!
Don't I know about it?
Off course you do!
Do I really care?
Off course you do, at least you did!

I definitely chose the wrong path?
You give as good as you get.

I am doomed
Sadness succumbed me!
Don't be a fool
It's not the end of the world

It's something that I should never plunge into
Now I am burnt deep
It has always been a game
A foolish game

I have set myself on fire
Igniting the flame
It will only hurt you
Let it die

I know I am dumb
I know I am a rat
But never did expect such terms from you
You can't expect anything
Nothing will come from me
Whatever is given is taken
But don't expect anything in return

Admitting defeat now
Or jump to the end
Don't be silly
Just declare that you are trounce
By me, Your Friend

Whats unspoken is articulated fluently

Recently, a friend said something that may not be music to the ears. It was a rather nasty remark thrown for no apparent reason, at least not whatever is said.

It made the mind thinking. Is that true? Does that reflect who I am? Am I that terrible? Would I have done the same had there been a twist of fate? Would I say nasty things to the person I care, even if its friendship that I am seek? Would I treasure the friendship and not give such comments?

Maybe I gave the person an avenue to pass such demeaning judgement on me? Would I do the same to anyone, especially my friends? Maybe not, not to even my enemies.

But what to do, the hurt is done. Its non reversal. Probably, its God's way of showing me the signals I am asking for. At least, now I know better, at least I can see clearly how I am perceived in your eyes so I will accept it.

Apology offered and accepted. But will it be forgotten? That remain a mystery as the hurt left a deep cut in the heart as you are the last person I would expect such remarks from.

Hurt

Sometimes, intentionally or not, a friend hurt our feelings. Maybe its never the intention. Its always easier to accept such pain from enemies and strangers, but never from a friend.

Weeks

A week left for school

Two weeks left before the departure

Two weeks away from reality

A week of drilling for the kids

Then thats it,

Back to all the routine

Insults

Smouldered by such apprehension
Offensive utterance
Malicious utterances
Wouldn't that cause abrogation

Slashed with explosion
Garbage was more admirable
Maybe not meant to be
What's said can't be condensed

Now truth is clutch to the soul
Tears fallen
Gone are those spirit and joy
Along came the hurt

If only reality was slapped earlier
Departure will be made ahead
Leaving the agony of knowing
Far from the knowing self

Jealousy

Last Friday, feeling happy for my students, I shared my happiness with a few colleagues. One of my kids (22 of them altogether) scored 90 marks for Mathematics. I felt extremely happy for her, thats why I shared it with the fellow teachers.

Then a teacher threw a nasty remark. Well, maybe she has been like that all along. Off coz, her underlining meaning is "It's not you who helped her." I told her off by saying " I am not taking the credits, I am just happy for my students and I wanted to share with those who would be able to understand how that feels. Actually I think she should too as she is also in the same league, teaching less abled kids who are are academically slower than the rest of their cohorts.

What I don't understand is the jealousy one feels. If it were me, I would be happy and congratulate the teacher. Such remarks will not even cross my mind, let alone throwing it to another person. But what to do, some people are just so competitive. Anyway, though that person will never be able to read this blog, I would like to highlight to anyone who reads this and have such a thought on others, stop and reflect. When it comes to the kids, teachers should never compete like that. You can compete healthily.

Like two colleagues of mine. SUperb. They are super competitive against each other. But ultimately, its to the kids benefit. They don't put the other down (hmmm....in a manner that is condescending off coz). It can be quite scary but yeah, their competition seems much healthier than what this person is competing. Horrific!

To love or not to love

To love and to be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. "Do you love me or not?" That question may have been asked by many. But how does one answer that question. How do you know you are in love? What is love? It is definitely not an easy question to tackle no matter how hard one cracks his head.

Love is an intense feeling of caring for another person. It can take many different forms (romantic, friendly, familial) but it is always about caring. When you love another person you don't ask them to sacrifice a part of themselves in the name of that love. Love should make you feel happy, secure and appreciated.

Lust is confusing quasi-love feeling. Its a physical attraction two people feel about each other. But its definitely not love.Its based on instant chemistry rather than caring for the other. You may lust for someone and not care for them. Sex is all that matters in lust but love goes much deeper than that. Love makes you feel as serene when you and your partner are together.

However, is love enough? What if the love you have for each other has many objections? Is it better not to be in love when love only give heartaches? Well, definitely not so for those who are in love.


Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails

Turkey...here I come

Today, in a month time, if everything goes smoothly, I would be in Turkey, enjoying myself for 10 days.....so looking forward to that.

But before that can happen, I have a list of things to do:

1) Mark English exam papers
2) Mark Math exam papers
3) Key in exam results
4) Key in attendance (for absentees)..I have done till April
5) Prepare slides for Science
6) Call up the orchid vendors (he didnt response to my email...hmmm)
7) And some other stuff not related to work

Then holi holiday for me...away from this reality to my dream mode...the feel good mode (will I be missed by anyone in Singapore...hmmm sadly, its unlikely)...then when I come back, back to work on the last week of school holidays.

Why do people make so much noise in cinema

I watched a hindi movie recently and boy, it was a rather shocking experience. At first, I was quite shock that the theatre was rather crowded...well, maybe because its a weekend. Secondly and most irritating part, it was super noisy. They were clapping and there were kids running around and making so much noise.

Anyway, probably because the movie was rather boring except for the good looking hero but then the kids wouldnt be keen on that part...hehe.

Then I received a message from my friends asking me to rescue them. I was like " Huh?!" After hearing what had happened, I still thought it was a joke. They claimed that they had a super duper bad stomach pain after eating the food at this famous restaurant where we frequent. Thinking that they were kidding, I told them I can't as I was busy watching a movie. Then another message came...off coz its for real. Then I was worried (They are rather frail and thin...they might just collapse and die..I cant have that on my conscience)...so I told one of them, I will come over if they seriously need some help. But my two frail friends managed to get a cab and sent one of them home. The other, who did not suffer as bad as the first one, continued her DATE (off coz she claimed its not a date...she was just going out with a fren) but I bet it was a date.

Yeah, so overall, not a bad weekend..In fact it was a good weekend for me.

Poem: Wei Sheng

My student's poem: Wei Sheng

HER NAME IS SANDY
SHE LOVES MONEY
SHE HATES BABY
SHE IS A FATTY
WHO LOVES HER DADDY

Poem: Wilson

My student's poem: Wilson
her name is sandy
she loves money
and she hates monkey
but she loves mummy and daddy

Poem: Ye Hao

My student's poem: Ye Hao

l am walking in the night
l saw a robber running in the night
l began to on the light

Poem: Yue Ling

My student's poem: Yue Ling

SnowWhite
If i am SnowWhite
i will be as white as candy
If i am SnowWhite
i will be as pretty as money
But what a pity,
That's not what really fancy.

Poem: Auckland

My student's poem: Auckland

If I am Elmo

I can be Elmo and gain a kilo
First,I will add but I don't know
After a cup of milo
I will be that hero.

Poem: Sharnesh

My student's poem: Sharnesh

It was a spooky night.
I saw a gang fight.
I call the whole block to come and fight.
But when the gang came back
It gave the block a fright.

Poem: Yi Jie

My student's poem: Yi Jie

His name is Andy
He hates money
but loves his Mummy and Daddy

Poem: Wei Lin

My student's poem: Wei Lin

Hello today i'm going to write my poem!!

Her name is candy
She s money
She hates monkey
She is skinny
She is good at hockey .

Poem: Hui Sheng

My student's poem: Hui Sheng

I feel like flying.
I feel like weeping.
I feel like sleeping.
But I want to keep winning.
So I have to stop dreaming.
And start studying.

Poem: Hsueh Erh

My student's poem: Hsueh Erh

If I am happy
And not angry
If only I am chatty
but a beauty.
I will truly feel happy

Poem: Nuruddin

My student's poem: Nuruddin

It was a creepy night.
I saw someone fight.
so I called the police and turned off my light!

POEM: Yu Sheng

My student's poem: Yu Sheng

I WISH FOR A GENIE
I WANT TO BE BRAINY
BUT MY MUMMY SAID TO MY NANNY
I AM JUST A BABY.

Poem: Kwang Wei

My student's poem: Kwang Wei

I shall be what I want to be
So that I can be happy
not dreamy.

POEM: Yu Shan

My student's poem: Yu Shan

If i am a strawberry
I will add a cherry
To my strawberry
Than I would be merry and happy

Poem: Ashik

My student's poem: Ashik

I am winner
I am not loser
I am a striker
But not a better
I am a giver
But not a taker
I am the best

POEM: Shahfiq

My student's work: Shahfiq

I WISH I AM DREAMING I WISH I AM FLYING
BUT I CAN NOT BE caught napping
AS MY teacher will be beeping
AND MY PARENTS WILL BE NAGGING

Poem: Fathullah

My student's poem: Fathullah

I wish i am dreaming,
I wish i am flying ,
I wish i singing,
But my teacher will runt ,
And my parents will hunt,
Then I won't have fun.

Poem: Melvin

My student's work: Melvin

If i am sleepy
i would sleep like a baby
if i am noisy
i can be quite naughty
when i am happy
i can be quite funny

Poem: Jeffrey

My student's poem: Jeffrey

I play Hockey because I am sporty
and I am not a shorty
I wish I was brainy so I do not need to study.
If I do not win I will be crazy

Poem: Yao De

My student's poem: Yao De

If I am crazy.
I will be mad.
If I am friendly.
I will be nice

POEM: Zhi Chao

M student's work: Zhi Chao

I LOVE TO FLY
I WOULD LIKE TO TRY
TO FLY IN THE SKY
I WILL BE HAPPY TO FLY

POEM: Anatasha

My student's work: Anatasha

Hi, Hello, Today I'll be writing a poem for you.

If I am a dreamer,
I would have the greatest dreams
If I am a shooting star
I could fly like a bee
If I am a bee in a flower
I'm just a girl in the tree
But there's just one problem
Whta will I grow up to be?

Doubt

Unsure of what you are doing to yourself
Afraid to think of the outcome
Towards self-destruction?

Pop it up
Till you feel no pain
Vomit it out
Till nothing is left

Tore yourself
Till you don't feel distress

Afraid
Surely

Dead
It will happen
If this goes on

Questions

Dunno what I want anymore
Everything is blurred

Dunno what I care any more
When it is lost

I know I can't take it anymore
All the pain I've endured

Truthful
Is what I must be to myself
Keeping is no longer an option

Decision has been made
May not be what I want
But it's the best

No more pretense
Stronger
To keep at bay

All of it is gone

All the chances
All the rejections
A gift definitely

Safeguarded
But yet lost
Memories are left
Only for me

So many things happened

So stupid....
What you did was stupid?
What were thinking when you decide its ok to do it?
Throwing our life away?
Throwing what you have built?

All confidence lost
Week of hell
Meeting with the heads
Sickness falls
And now facing this?
Hmmm, what else can you take?
Would things get better?
Would the stares go away?

Many things you fear?
What if they see? What if they know?
What if this and what if that?

Stop! Stop!
You can't deal this anymore
Lest craziness follows

STOP! STOP!
But would you?
Doubt it
As it may be short,
It may be gone tomorrow
But you can always hope
Things get better
However slim it may be

Which of the two is better?

Is to have love but swinging around?
Or to have love and rejected?

Is to have but not to own?
Or to never have the one you own?

Is to care but not loved?
Or to love but not cared?

Is to cure but a pain?
Or to have pain but pleasure?

Is to have happiness but boredom?
Or to have misery in elation?


This is the philosophy of love one may face yet may not resolved. Can love ever be rational? An ejection of emotion that defies rationalism?

Love may be intense but yet painful. Can we ever be satisfied through our idealistic view? Does it also mean loyalty? Then why all the infidelities? Why the insecurities? Love is pure with no grudges but we bear so much pain and flaws? Can we ever have an answer to all the questions?

The Words

The words
So near yet so distant
So real yet so aerial

Yes, sure, yep
No, nope, dunno
These are words
More often than not,
They played in the thought

If more than a word came out from the knot,
A miracle is definitely hot to spot


But as it appears,
Soon after, it disappears
Like a spear
It will give you a tear
And like a whisper
In the ear,
Wish you may hold it dear
But the departure is what you fear

Caught in the MIddle

I am caught in the middle of right and wrong
For the wrong, everything else is right
For the right nothing else but one is wrong

So what should I do?
To let go of both?
One helps to show the light
Yet the other in total darkness

One you see your future
The other you are lost
But through the wrong,
One appears so right
Though its gravely wrong

Care

Do you think they care?
Do you think they give a damn?
Do you think it will be normal?
Do you think everything will be okay?

Will things change?
Will life be simpler?
Will you stop pondering?
Will time heal it all?

What the hell is wrong?
What is not right?
What could you do to make it right?
What is happening to you?

For goodness
Make it right now
Before you fall deep into it
Turn and look
Instead of pondering
Things will never be the same
Things will never be okay.

If only you take time to realise
That it will not change
Because you want it to change
It will always be same
You will be treated in similar pattern
No matter what you do
Things can never be right anymore
As you have set on a wrong path.
So why care?

Last Weekend

What a weekend it must have been
Everyone was busy except me
Called A, B and C...
Replies were "Gee, I am busy"

As depressing as it was to be
I checked my list from A to Z
And asked each out for a tea

Replies were sad you see
Again, "Not this weekend Zee"

So I spent my weekend with my familiy
These are the people are there for me

Thinking back and see,
Not a bad weekend
I have to agree
Around the loving arms of my family

A dream

If I could hold on to that dream
I would.
If I could keep that fantasy
I would.
If I could make you stay
I would.

Instead it is just a dream
Of which I do not want to be awake

Stay asleep is what I want
Facing the reality is what I must
Coz letting you go is what I can't
but it would be a gift I give myself

To move forward I refuse
To be awake I am induced
So I won't be swallowed
In my own dreams.

You have taught me many
One could never take your place
Even if one is able to come into it
This heart has a special place
Just for you.

Though letting you go is not a choice
Letting you off from my heart is what i deny
As there you will stay
Forever.

Revelation

You came when sadness surrounds me
A shoulder was all I needed
You glued me back from pieces

But now its you that I want
But its you that rejects me
And its you who sees me as a pest

After the revelation
Things change
Friends no more
Cast aside

Nothing more
nothing less
Fear
Is your reason to stay away

Soccer Night

What I did on a Saturday night? Hmmm, watching soccer on TV: Singapore vs Malaysia (should have been there actually but due to something, had to stay home). I thought team Singapore was pretty good, but a waste, many chances were missed and sadly, we defeated a goal through a very stupid mistake. I was told Lionel Lewis is one of the best goalkeeper in Singapore, but from what I observed during the match, that goal was never meant to be had he kept it in place properly. So what I did, being alone at home, I smsed my sis who was at the National stadium and told her, Gosh Singapore has to lose with such a petty goal.

But, thank goodness, at 74th minute, Singapore stayed focus and scored a goal. And keeping very close contact with my sis at the stadium, she informed me that there was a fight between Malaysia and Singapore supporters. Interestingly, that should be fun to watch (though I did tell her to keep away from that area). Now suddenly, my excitement (though watching it alone) roared high and believe it or not, I am cheering for Singapore alone at home (I must say, its kinda sad doing that alone).

Going to the extra time, there was still no score but one can see many occasion where Mr Lewis and his defenders were not working in tanderm. It slowed down a little and looking like the match would end with sudden death. Roaring again at 22nd minute of extra time, yet, another point at losing possesion. And moments later, at 23rd minute, poor concentration again by Singapore. But soon after, Precious (like what a name rite) kicked and nearly hit home a win but was well-blocked by Malaysia's goalkeeper. And even at home, you can hear the swears and screams of the fans (the familiar tunes back from the Malaysia cup days) and not forgetting the horns. They just seem to be enjoying every moment of it. Extra time over, and now the scary moment, PENALTY SHOOT OUT.

First: Indra (GOAL)
First: Mal (Goal)
Second: Alam Shah (GOAL)
Second: Mal (Goal)
Third: Mustafic (GOAL)
Third: Mal (Goal)
Fourth: Faizal (Goal)
Fourth: Mal (Goal)
Fifth: Jia Yi (GOAL)
Fifth: Mal (No Goal)


And with penalty kicks, Singaopore WON! YEAH! SO happy, singapore made my day! I am sooooo happy. Final: SINGAPORE vs Vietnam or Thailand (most likely Thailand).

My darlingz

These are my new darlingz...my kids for everyday from 7.15 till about 1 pm. They are my students. Heard a rumour that may change soon. May be switching classes with another colleague. Hmmm, I am miserable about that, but if that comes, can I say no? Off coz not, though I do feel like a ball, being bounced around. But till that comes, I shall savour the moment with my devilish yet angelic darlingz.

Plans that falter

Trying to leave,
But can't
Trying to forget,
But fails
Trying to let go,
But falter
Can one stop trying?

Planning to depart,
But stay
Planning to be apart,
But inseparable
Planning to divert
But unachievable.

Wish

I wish I can fly like a bird
Go away from everything
See the world

I wish I can fly a plane
Then I would be able to stop
Where the world belongs to me

I wish I can fly myself
Spread my wings
And fly my way home

Happy New Year 2007

Welcoming 2007, it is a big year for me...a year where I am hoping of changes in life and in everything else I tackle. I hope all of you have a good year ahead and have a wonderful time, great work and most importantly, happiness with the loved ones.

Nina, Zee, Zar, Rin, Rina, Zazabie and finally Zarinah

Travelogue: Australia

It was indeed the most expensive trip ever. Before I went, there were several hick ups. Due to my busy schedule, I was unable to give a date. After I gave a date to my friend and still busy, she was unable to make the arrangement on tics and stuff. So when we finally book tics, we only manages to get tickets by Garuda via transit. I paid about $1400 plus for the whole package to Perth (super expensive...yeah). Then the hick up about hotel and all. After emailing to a lot of backpackers hotel and lodge, we finally took the deal from Wel travel (thanks to Irwan for this) for our stay at Aarons Hotel in Pier Street.

Day 1: 20th December
We set off on that date. I was very excited and looking forward to the trip. While in the cab, I saw this motorbike full of flowers. Damn, I didnt take a pic of the dude. Its cool in an ugly way...hehe...dunno how to describe it...the sunflower bike, even his helmet was full of sunflowers. Anyway that aside, before we know it, we were at the airport, waiting for our flight. It took a while till finally the staff called us, and informed us that we will be stuck inJakarta for a day. We got really worried as they refused to inform us if we will be compensated for this. Then finally when we reached Jakarta at about 11 pm, we were informed that the flight will be delayed till 7 am the next morning instead of 115 am. So we were sent to this hotel called Radin for a rest, complimentary of Garuda. The hotel is pretty nice and the staff were hospitable. We were given dinner, the food was not that bad after all. Pretty good in fact. But our spirit was a little dampen due to the delay.

Day 2: 21th December
The plane finally set off at 830 am. After having a terrible dinner in the plane the previous day (though compensated with a hearty dinner at the hotel), I was in no mood for breakfast in the plane. True enough, they served terrible scrambled egg, hotdog and a few slices of potatoes. I didnt eat much then. Was too excited to reach Perth. Finally at about 2 pm (Perth time, an hour after Sg), we reached Perth International Airport. But the person who was suppose to pick us up for airport transfer was not there. A few calls was made by Yana and then finally about an hour later, the pick up came and sent us to Aarons Hotel. We were greeted by a smily staff (nice guy from Bangladesh). After registering, we finally got our room keys and headed to our room. We took a shower and by 5pm, we went out again, venturing Perth city. Damn, it was rather cold, the wind was chilly. Anyway, Noi bought a few stuff. They were rather expensive. Not worth it to me. After walking around and looking at things eventually, I succumb to the shopping needs and bought a few things too. Finally we all headed home (then was Aarons hotel). We took our shower and then head to bed as we have to get up super early the next day.

Day 3: 22nd December 2006
I got up at 430 am (530 am Perth time) to shower. After showering, I woke Yana up (it was difficult to wake this gal up). Then finally my sis woke up. We had planned trip today and suppose to be at Sightseeing centre by 8am (Perth time). We had our breakfast and asked the waitress the location of the sightseeing centre. She actually gave us the wrong route (but she is a nice gal from China). Then we asked the hotel staff again about the location, it was actually just 5 minutes walk from our hotel. So what we did was we went out, look around the place, take a few more pictures and finally went to the bus bay for pick up for our sightseeing. We are planned for Perth and Fremantle city tour. When we stepped into the bus, it was super smelly. I nearly puked. Probably someone must have puked in the bus the day before and they didnt clean it up properly. Anyway, the drive was rather a bore as they only showed us around in the bus.

We didnt get to stop and take pictures. We finally stopped at King's Park and walk all the way to the War Memorial Centre. Thats not far actually but it was a beautiful walk with many beautiful sights. Then we board the bus again and headed for fremantle.

There we were given an hour to shop. We decided not to take the bus home and venture on our own. After informing the driver, we walked around fremantle and shopped and take a few more pictures. Finally we rested at Freo Curry. The gal who attended us is Indonesian. The food is just okay (not that great) but she is hospitable. She gave us directions to Eshed market (even drew a map). We thank them and find our way to Eshed. There, more bargains to come. Everything was cheap (not to Sg but compared to the stuff in the city). Then we took a train (we didnt know how to use the machine, it was not really user friendly I must say). We took the train back to Perth city (cost $3.20 per pax). From Perth city, we walked back to our hotel. It was a rather tiring walk. Then, after showering, we went out again and headed to Karache Cafe (rude owner who happened to be someone from Sg). So we headed to Oleh-Oleh cafe (definitely much better and friendlier). We had our meals then went to Northbridge to check out the place. Then headed back to the hotel.

Day 4: 23rd December 2006
This is the pinnacle trip. After driving extremely far, we finally made our first stop at Caversham Wildlife Park. I touched the back of a koala and fed the kangaroos. It was fun, but sadly it was rather short. We set off again to the pinnacle. continue on to the Nambung National Park, home of the amazing Pinnacles Desert. There, the driver took us a walk through parts of a fascinating landscape covering some 404 hectares. Then Yana went sandboarding at the dunes. As I do not want to have problems with my eyes, I didnt do it coz the wind was super strong. The highlight was definitely the 4WD drive. It was like a roller coaster, fun. By the time we got back to our hotel, we were too tired. No one wanted to buy food so we decided to eat in the hotel.

Day 5: 24th December 2006
We walked on our own. First, we headed to the Swan Bell. It was pretty nice. The old lady who was there was super strong. It was definitely not easy to pull the bell as it was extremely heavy. Then after that, we continued walking. After that, we took the Blue Cat around and stopped at places to take pictures. We also went to Perth City mosque, Old Port, Swan River, Library, Museum, Art Centre, etc. I can see myself living in Australia. Its relaxing and nice.

Then we headed back to the hotel. We showered and again went out to do some last minute shopping. Then went back again. After that Yana and I went to Northbridge to check out the clubs but Noi stayed in the hotel as she was tired. We took a cab there. Initially, I was pretty worried. What if theres drunkards there? There were many what ifs I must tell you. But it wasnt that bad. However we didnt stay long as I was having a headache. But I must comment the bouncer at Base is goodlooking and nice. So at 12 plus, Yana and I left and went back to the hotel, ready to go home the next day.

Day 6: 25th December 2006
The day we went home. We had boxed breakfast. The hotel transfer was late again so we had to wait. We got to Bali and shopped a little bit at the Airport. I even had a foot massage which was nice especially after all those walking previously. So thats the end of my trip to Australia.

Would I go there again? For holiday, maybe not Perth. I would want to see Brisbane, Melbourne and Sydney. But to stay, ya...definitely. Perth is a nice place to live in. But after saying that to my mum, she got rather irritated...hehe...so doubt I can do that. Maybe a teaching stint for a year or two....probably that should be alrite.

My Trip

One of my most expensive trip ever....Whatever it is...Australia...here I come!

The Past Versus the Present

What I need to let go in 2006:
1) The life I have had in 2006(i.e. my past).
2) Those who need to be out of my sight for my own good (out of sight, out of reach).
3) My travelling partner (coz she will be concentrating on engagement and marriage soon).
4) Blocking things (because of my dreams and stupidity).
5) Blocking out certain brain cells that are purely damaging to me

What I need to achieve in 2007:
1) Find new friends for travelling (any takers?)
2) Find new friends to blabber and complain
3) Pu things back into perspective
4) Allow more opportunities for myself
5) Check on my potentials and not my flaws
6) Being more loveable and approachable (especially to certain people)
7) Treasure what God is giving me and not want what I can't get

Vexed
Tired
So today marks the end

Exhaustion
Weary
For all the pain

Extinct
Dead
Thats what the heart is

Crippled
Disgusted
Thats what the body feels

Depleted
Exasperated
That how the mind goes

To end it all
Chase for freedom
For happiness
Let go of the past
Exhume
Then a new beginning reveals

No more

No more answers are required
No more questions seek

No one to probe
No one to bother

No more pain
No more trouble

Leave
To recover

Heal
To be stronger

Endurance
To better yourself

As you are stronger than you believe
If only you believe in yourself more

Questions

The one you seek is never there
The one you adores do not care
The one you love forgets

Is that fate upon you?
Is that how life will always be?
Is that why you are forsaken?

Do not despair
If he does not care
There are others out there

What a day it has been...

Yes, its holiday alrite, and yes, without a doubt I am having a ball of a time, celebrating my holiday. But it has been quite a bore. Been trying to plan stuff to do these days so I do not disturb friends and be a nuisance to other people. And yup, one thing I need to learn to do now is watch a movie alone....dunno...I used to do it in the past, but off late....doubt I can do likewise, just feels weird to be watching a movie all by myself...blame it on all the company I have, made me a less dependent person. Hmmm...I planned to learn some primary science stuff before I teach them again next year...but have I dont it...well I stopped at chapter 2...how progressive rite...and I have been complaining to people I am bored...gee...what the hell rite...if I am bored, I should be doing all that instead of complaining...I suppose if my friends were to count ( I hope they don't), there must have been more than a hundred times I said that sentence...poor them. Secondly, planned to do many difficult math questions....did I do any...answer is none...horror...I should start now...before I dont have time to even start next year....the only thing I did so far is read...well....standard....my novels...been a long since I read...wanted to read a few more of Mitch Albom's books....I read Tuesdays with Morrie the last holiday...was nice...thought this time wanna read a few of his other books...maybe I will soon...if I have the time...currently I am reading one of Robyn Sisman books...well...sweet and nice but impactful...doubt so...I am also trying to get my hands on the book "To kill a mockingbird"...but have not....ok...up to now...a few things I need to do...don't want to be too ambitious this time...a must do during this hols.
1) Go for a holiday
2) Read all those books I mentioned above
3) Disturb fewer people and have more time to myself and I

The story of a girl

True what a wiseman says "You will know that you love someone when you want him/her to be happy. Even if that means you're not a part of their happiness."

This is the story of Rose and the love of her life. Rose and him are good friends for the longest time. They got along very well and spent good times together. Unknown to him, Rose has fallen for him but she always knew he was a star way above her league. Although Rose has a few suitors pursuing her, she kept them a distance for her love for the one.

Then one day, while talking, he told her about another girl, one that he may be falling for. Rose struggled to keep her disappointment off sight. In fact she supported and spurred him onto pursuing the one he loves. She could also throw a smile at him when he responded positively to her suggestion.

How sad that must have been for her rite. Well if you were her, what would you have done? It is true that it is hard to tell your mind to stop loving when your heart still does. But is it worth the pain to love someone and losing them when they are not your to begin with.

What would I have done if I am in that position? Well, I would probably reacted the same way as Rose. It will be depressing, thats for sure. But tome, if that the person you love is truly happy, then all one could do is to be happy for him. But one thing for sure, I would make a silent exit, let the wind brings my word of goodbye.

"The worst pain in the world is knowing that he meant everything to you but you meant nothing to him. But, life goes on once you realize your own strength inside of you: the strength to realize that saying goodbye doesn't mean that you don't love the person anymore or that you don't want to keep them in your life. It doesn't mean you're weak. It means that you've the strength to let go and live your life to the fullest because you've learned that life really is good. You are strong and can only be as happy as you choose."

Lifeless Teddy

You are alive yet inanimate
You are there yet not?
You are close yet far
You are precious yet worthless

You are special yet separate
You are amazing yet repugnant
You are gem but yet just a stone
So how to keep you mortal
That's a journey one has forsaken

It is.....

Hooray, hooray. It's holi---holi---holiday....yeah
Hooray, hooray, lets all come and play!

What is my plan for this holiday.
Read lotsa science books...I really have lost touch in science. Maybe studying English and Lit too much can be quite a negative thing...it made me a non-sicence person. But no worries mate (foresee where I can go in that slang), I have it all planned. I have bought a number of books to ensure that I am prepared to teach Science next year. Another subject that worries me, MATHEMATICS...why is primary Math bloody difficult. I am doing a few questions in Secondary Math, which are ridiculously easy...so why primary math is so freakingly difficult...but no qualms....again I have equipped myself with more books....I bought a few assessments books amounting to a few hundreds to help me with all these weakness or problems I may face next year...where I have to take the tail-end EM2 class...challenges, hurdles...I am prepared...along with a group of boring bunch of teachers (prolly because I don't know them well enough), I will survive next year...I will make it my best year...ya rite!

As for now, besides all those readings and school stuff I am preparing for myself, I plan to do some readings....well...trash off coz...I have not been reading since I started teaching (well I read alot, but all kids books..so that don't equate to reading). Besides that a trip, yeah, definitely a trip..I need a holiday urgently...I need to be far far and away for at least a few days....away from reality...to my dreamland where everything goes on a slow pace...love that. I would also wanna bother a few people during these holidays, one of whom I have blatantly declared...I AM GOING TO BOTHER YOU...haha...looking forward to that...stretching people's patience...hmmm...sleep....lotsa sleep...surfing, what else...well....thats enough for a few weeks...shall think of more things to do as I continue my holi...holiday....whatever it is...my teaching for this year is over (minus the tuitions off coz)...and I met a few nice kids (17 in total) during the 6 months I taught...with many wonderful memories I will surely keep with me forever and ever...ok...dramatic a little....I suppose because I am new..so that happens...yup yup...thats it for the year for me...holiday...here I come!

The Last Day of School

It is finally the last day of the school...for the kids at least. For teachers, we would have at least 3 days more next week before we finally call for a break. Six months down, I am already hating this stupid job. Well, to be frank, I still like the teaching part, very much I must say. But I hated other things about the job. I hate the fact that I am bosses around, I hate the fact that I will be teaching P5 next year, I hate a lot things. I am beginning to even hate the people...which is terribly bad...coz I am not normally like that. But no choice, I don't care anymore. Give me whatever they choose, I will try. Initially I thought of fighting for my class, but in the end, I thought it would be fruitless to do so and it will cause me a lot of trouble, so I decided against it. That also after consulting a few teachers. One of the teachers in school actually had helped me out by voicing my interest to go up with my current class. However, after giving some excuses, I was given another class by the PowerCamp coz one particular person ( the big heads off coz) think I am trained in webblogging....like whatever, everyone can do it...not that difficult. It doesnt take an idiot to learn it....so they shouldnt have a problem with it....but because of it, I am stuck...like whatever ( I am not in English or IT, the two depts handling this), but I have to do it...coz the Powercamps said I have to. Unhappy Unhappy UNHAPPY

Which is better?

Questions to Ponder:

Question 1:
You are given to 2 diamonds to choose from. First one, you love it but it is beyond your means. The second is just okay and you are not keen about. Which diamond would you choose and your reason for it.

Question 2:
You are an angel. You are required to send a person one wish. What would that wish be and your reason for it.

Question 3:
After a long tiring trip, someone ask you out. Who would be the likely person for a yes?
a)Your parents
b)The one you love
c)A friend
d)An enemy
Your reason for it?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The End~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whatever it is

You don't want to be near
Coz you fear of the rumour you hear

You don't want to be seen
As if it is a sin

Do you really care?
ASK!
That I wouldn't dare

Hurt by this is great,
Life becoming a dread

Could I bury this
Leave it as a hiss

Wish it is that easy
This brain is getting fuzzy
Dealing with it is too dizzy
Making one crazy

Pain

If only I could run,
I would have been far gone.
If only I could hide myself,
It would have been buried deep.

I am losing the control I once have
I am losing the faith I once conquer
I am losing touch of the being that I once held
I am losing the trust I once have for myself

This pain is too much
The anger is too crazy
This hell is too traumatising
This life is too tiring.

Pain

I feel like hailing
I feel like yelling
I can’t take it no more
I have to learn to let go

But why, why am I such a woozy?
But why, why can’t it be easy?

I am tired of pretending
I am sick of seeking the truth

I have lost the track
From all the lies
I have lost the faith
From all the pain

Another Arrow from the PowerCamp

Gosh, yet another arrow...and this time round for the internal audit...how am I suppose to answer the questions....how...how...how...gee....why am I so unlucky....always arroewed to do such things....why am I punished for the lost of those two laptops when I will eventually have to pay for it...why why why....well...I know there will never be answers to all my questions...and no is never an option...the options are always yes or yes to any questions asked....so pointless...just face it and do...the choice isnt mine to make...I have learnt to go with the flow and do whatever is needed of me without any questions...the more you ask...the more work is given to you...so shut up and just do the work assigned to you...sad...but thats life work is for many I suppose...not just for me.

A tiring Raya indeed

What a month it has been...full of challenges...full of arguments...full of anger...full of questions...be it at work, home or anywhere else. Work has been a real challenge...with lotsa things...home...well...home has been alrite actually..except for the fact my gran has been in and out of hospital and boy...has it been physically and mentally tiring for everyone at home. My gran has not been easy though she is sick...looking after her and her demands can also be super tiring. It has been a week after raya and today, again, she is back in hospital. And today my sis sent her to SGH, as per her request...though it is extremely far from our place and she expects us to go over practically everyday....hmmm...and work...with all the demands...dunno how is that possible...I dont even have time for friends these days...not even in raya mood

Your Choice: A Yes or a Yes

WHat kind of an option is that? THe question asked was "Are you you free to go for the workshop?" The answer to it was "No" but off course that was not taken into consideration as I was force to go whether I like it or not. I ended up going for the course. Though I didnt know what I learnt from the course, I did stay till the end of the whole thing and left feeling blur, didnt enjoy myself...another course on Mon, well...my Science course now....kinda looking forward to it...but yet nervous coz I am terrible in Science.

Ignoring the giant

Today I met the giant in school...I can't help it but to ignore her. I know it is cruel of me to do that, but I can't help it. I would rather someone comes staright to my face and tell me I am a terrible teacher. But what giant did was really ruthless, telling others...she may not like me personally, maybe I stepped her toes or simply because she dislikes my face, but that is no excuse to throw such remarks at me. Now I see her differently, now I see her as someone with big...no huge asrse on the mouth...yep...sorry giant....thats how I see you...I wish you could see this...I felt guilty for ignoring her after that, then I talked to her....which is stupid...coz I think she knew I was ignoring her in the beginning as I made it so apparent...to bad...I can't be as ruthless...I wish I could though

A tiring day indeed

I visited Nani again today...by the way...Nani is what I called my grandmother...dunno why...these few days...my heart has been beating very fast...I am very worried about her...the same person I had several arguments with....seeing her like that made me sad....to think she is a super strong woman ...now she becomes so weak....she had very low blood count today...luckily, the doctors found out...she was suppose to be discharged today...she could have suffered a heart attack due to the anaemia...

Then, as promise, I went out with my group of friends...but seriously...my heart was not in the outing...more of home and hospital..suddenly now...I am more concerned about people at home as well as my grand in the hospital...then when my friends wanted to watch a movie after our dinner together...I excuse myself...told them I need to go home...I just feel that it is inappropriate to be enjoying myself when there are so many problems back home...so I went home instead.

I am a terrible teacher!

Well...that was the remarks given to me by one of the teachers. She think I am a terrible teacher who didnt teach her class anything. I am inefficient and I did a terrible job during my first practicum...do I agree to that accusation...DEFINITELY NOT...I may not be a superb teacher....but one thing for sure...I know I am NOT a TERRIBLE teacher...I tried my best during the first as well as the second practicum...I knew all along she doesnt like me....but never expected her to tell others I am a terrible teacher. WT...thats her name by the way....was shock when 2 other teachers (2 of them: Mdm P and Ms AP) disagreed with her. Well...I thought she was a terrible teacher...her class was noisy when she was teaching yet she didnt do anything...I disciplined them....according to her...this I am not sure...the kids didnt understand a single thing that I taught to them....well...that made me think...what were the actual stuff that I taught those kids...so what I did...I looked through my practicum file....looked at the lesson plans and my evaluation forms....all of them....below are some of the things I taught the kids

1)I taught them how to write recounts...I gave them the breakdown and even showed an example and key areas found in a recount using a storyline and went thru the structure as well as the grammatical aspects of such writings. I used a skeleton as an example and asked them to fill the empty skeleton

2)Then in guided reading, the topic was on healthy living...so what I did...I showed them slides on different types of activities...then I showed slides on Animals' race...which I thought was interesting...but apparently...the kids learnt nothing...hmmm

3)Then after that I linked their Field trip with sports by showing sports for crocodiles...then I linked it to the Sports Meet as well...

4) We talked about advertisement and then I ask the kids to prepare an advertisement and promote their product. They did a role play as buyers and sellers....and I thought they had fun and there were many teaching point that was highlighted during that lesson.

5) Back to basic...I also taught grammar...unlike Mdm WT...who didnt use much IT...I used slides to show the effect for past, present and future tense...then I gave them a set of dialogue they are to identify the grammatical aspect of it...which I thought they did well...coz I wrote notes for that....if they didnt understand the lesson,...they would not have been able to do the exercise I suppose...well...what to do...I am a terrible teacher...according to Mdm WT

6)We did about sharks as well...not only did I cover the different type of sharks....I even asked the kids to research on different aspect of sharks...using KWL

7) My comparative and superlative lesson with the class went extremely well..infact...I received straight As from both my CT (Mdm WT) as well as my school supervisor...hmmm...and I was a bad teacher...yep...I dont understand.

8) I linked the earlier lesson about sharks to teach adjectives....describing words...the kids...again...did well...this was done thru wordweb...this we started with animal ESP...a game I played with them in class.

9) Linking to sharks...we talked about danerous creatures...another interesting lesson...the kids were excited about the research and were eager to share with the class about their findings.

10)Then off course....the normal lessons...those not basic fundamentals of English such as grammars, punctuation, vocabulary and all other stuff..

So...am I still a terrible teacher? I really doubt so...my hands were tight then...I cant drill those kids...I had to showcase interesting lessons to score point...thats the whole idea about practicum...anyone can vouch for that...I was always thinking of different method and trying them even though they were risky...I will always take the risk...I used learning centre, KWL, wordweb, stations, gallery and other methods to make the lesson more appealing for the kids....so am I still a terrible teacher...well....I doubt so...I can't say I am a good one...all I can say is I am trying to improve myself all the time and still learning...though I am full-fledged now....angry as I am with such remarks....it wont make me falter...it just made me stronger...to show her and people like her...I am not what she thinks I am...too bad...I got into her bad book...that I can't help...if she dislike me...I can't make her like me.

Searching the soul

How can I say I don’t care?
When my heart screams otherwise
How can I give it a rest?
When it is my heartbeat

Is this what one’s call egotism?
I knew I have it let it go
I just couldn’t
I knew it would be condemning
But yet I trace it

What options do I have?
When I can’t let it go
What route should I seize?
When every direction I make has restrictions

If I could just it cease
I would stop this feeling
Stop caring and stop ensuring myself
That everything will be eventually all right
When it could never be
When it never will

Heavy Heart

This heart is heavy to let it go
This heart ache for it to come
This heart is painful as it is
What is wrong with this heart

Tried as heart
This heart does not listen
Force as much
This heart weakens

Though the pain is too much to bear
This heart is saying "Not to give up"
This heart is pushing "Move on"

Though many times the byes are said
This heart just won't let go
This heavy heart is out to ruin the life
The life that was never there in the first place

A new semester begins

Before I know it, my holidays are over. Was it a holiday? Not really! Yes, I didnt have to teach the kids, yes no need to have piles and piles of marking to add on to the existing ones.

What I did during the holidays:

(i) Plan the banner for the vendors
(ii) Call and keep calling the vendors to liase with her on the banners for Mid Autumn Festival celebration for the school
(iii) I World I teach lecture...though it was a bore...the ending was interesting. I enjoyed the skit.
(iv) SA2 paper: I did the paper with Mdm Rathni...it was a breeze working with her
(v) Finished up the PowerPoint on pollination
(vi) Prepared a quiz on the topic on pollination
(vii) Prepared a poster for Mid Autumn Festival to be displayed in the school
(ix) Clear all my amrkings
(x) Did the erecord for the next two weeks
(xi) Plan the new things I want to try with the class to improve their writing skill

Well, thats what I remembered...I think that should be all. However, I also did enjoy myself a little bit.
-Meet up my buddies and catch up
-Meet up my NTU mates and enjoyed the coffee session at Starbucks
-Shop a little
-Karaoke session
-Watch a few dvds
-Gym
-Jog
-Dyed my hair....though it doesnt seem to show
-And most importantly sleep sleep sleep

And tomorrow onwards, a new chapter of my life will begin. Why is it a new chapter? Hmmm...because I need to close the old book as there's too much sadness in the old book...a lot of mishap happened to me...I knew I am an unlucky person...but never would I have guessed I am that unlucky.

When tomorrow comes,
-I aim to work harder at work to make people see beyond my freak lost
-To take bus to school
-To do better at work, at home, with friends and everything I will do in life
-To choose a better in path and not rake the past.

So tomorrow...here I come

When I am gone...

When I am gone,
I do not want to be recognised,
I want to be remembered.

When I fade,
I don't to just dissolve.
I want to be mentioned,
By my loved ones.

When I fall,
I don't want to be discard,
But I want to be missed.

And...
When I diminish,
I don't want the cries,
I want the smiles,
I want you to remember the happy moments.

Pain

This pain
Comes again
Not that I ask for it
Not that I want it

This pain
Comes suddenly
A sudden attack
A sudden pin

This pain...
Why this pain occurs,
I don't know
How to make it disappear
Is beyond me...
But I know
This pain is here to stay
Until I learn to let it go
Until I am strong again

Teaching

AP and I were discussing about teachers and their passion in teaching. Well, come to think of it, I miss my 17 kids who see me as one of them, who always add me in everything they do, to name a few so far: 1)When the school photographer asked them how many pupils there are in the class, they innocently said 17 + 1(our teacher). Then during NE show, twice they showed me they care, 2)They added me when they took the National Day's bag and 3) Added me yet again when they collected their food.

I am definitely touched my all these from the kids. Ive had a bad patch recently, when I lost my laptop. I was actually thinking, probably if I am not in this line and not have too many things on my mind, I may not have to incur the lost (of paying the 2 laptops I lost). But when I received a card from a student(amongst the many beautiful cards and presents), I was so touched. The kid (although some of the teachers threw unkind words to me) said something(though kinda ruthless) touched me. She felt my pain. That little (11 year-old) kid felt my pain when adults couldn't. She actually wrote in the card, Ms Z...I know you have been very sad lately when you lost your laptop. Although all of us could not give you a new laptop, I hope the person fingers will rot when he touched the laptop he took from you. No! I did not tell her to do so! But the fact that she knew how miserable I have felt touched my heart. Moreover, the sharkies have been so much better the last week or so, they have become my little dolphins..all of them! All these gestures from my kids are greatly appreciated.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~These are my angels~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Primary 5.12~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why??

Why do women want to have what they cant?
Why do women like to play with fire?
When they know they will burn?

Why do women think everything is okay about anything
But remains miserable about everything

Why women have to feel more pain than men?
Why do they stay when they know it hurts more than to leave?

Why women prefer to feel more pain?
Than to leave and be happier?

Why must women start thinking like men?
When men are not doing the same?

Has anyone wonder these questions?
Have they ever been answered?

The kids have hearts

Well, my kids...I mean my students heard about my lost...well...the two laptops off coz...and what they said was so sweet....don't worry Ms Z....we shall each contribute $50 for Teachers' Day, then u can buy your laptop...how sweet is that....well...they have always plus me for everything these days...photography session...the photographer asked...how many students are there in the kids...the kids replied...theres 17 of us but must plus our teacher so 18 altogether...then during NE day, they added me when they took the bags, again counted me in when they took the food....how sweet rite...I'm sooo touched....yes...they have their naughty days...and trust me...I always get angry...amidst all these, they are simply sweet and adorable...it even moved me to tears when they said they want to give $50 dollars each....off course I reject the offer...I told them as long as they dont get into trouble and study very hard...they make me happy...don't need to even buy me a gift and waste their money.

I sure hope there are more people out there who have pure hearts as these kids...they are just my angels....all of them!

Lost of two laptops

How I wish yesterday didn't happen; at least not like it was yesterday

The yesterday refers to the fateful day: 21st August 2006, the day I lost 2 of the school's laptops. It made me fall to a depressive mode. How could anyone who found it not return it. It is so valuable to me. I do not mind rewarding the person who took it. The laptops are Fujitsu S6220 and Apple I-book. I am writing this hoping that anyone who read it to pass the message around. Hopefully, the person who has it will return it to me.

This is how it happened:

I left the laptops in the cab at the back seat on my way to school from Hougang Ave 1 to Hougang Street 93 on Mon 21 August 2006 at 630 am - 640 am. Upon realising it soon after, I called the cab company and frantically tried locating the driver but to no avail as I do not have the taxi plate number. Please pass this message around to your friends. I cant believe that Singaporeans are this dishonest. Please return the laptops to me. I will grateful to you, whoever who has any information about the person holding 2 laptops which he/she found in a cab or even the cabbie who had found 2 laptops.

I am already losing hope and trust for my fellow Singaporeans. I am appealing for your kindness as there are many documents that are important to me in the laptops. Thank you again for all the kind souls out there.

You can email me at mszarinah@hotmail.com if you have any information.

Its 2 Short Days

Gosh, I am wrong. I have this idea that the day will end at 12 noon. But it doesnt seem to end. I am bored! I have nothing to do, and yet I am stuck here. Its torturous. But whatever it is, once I can go home, I will do that straight away. Looking forward to that....yeah!

Dedication

I found out from AP that one of my students had actually sent me a teachers' day message. I didnt know about the website...and boy was I pleasant suprised.

The message is as such:
Thank you Miss Zarina for guiding me through my studies. I will do my best in the exams and make my family and my favorutie form teacher proud! ...

Gee....I am so touched by the message. I never know I would touch a child's heart. I do hope that I will make a difference to these kids lives, for the better off course. I dunno how I am going to do that, but I will try. I cant be the best teacher but I can try and make a difference!

Coz I know there are a few teachers who have made a difference in my life as a student, to these people, thank you for your endless effort and guidance!

Arrow Shooting at Me

Nope nope, its not the cupid, it is not shooting the love potion to me, its work work work. Yep, because of work, I had to rescheduled my course to another date, because of work, I had to do more lesson than I am already required. Work work work! It is starting to make me feel sick! Not sick of the kids, but the arrows!

And yep, I am unhappy, unhappy that I have to print my own notes? WHY WHY WHY?? Because they are not intelligent?! Because they are not smart?! Because they are not worthy of the worksheets?! Why?! Why must kids be labelled as such?! WHY?! I dunno it will do them any good the practice worksheets that I am giving them. SOmetimes, I know its too difficult for them. As much as I tried to explain the simple concepts and get them to understand that actually, the questions were not that difficult after all, they were just tricky, but these kids...hmmmm, they still don't understand! Why?! WHY?! WHY?! It is beginning to irritate me! Where the hell am I suppose to find books, assessment books, that are relevant to their needs and requirements! Help me here! I have tried finding them in bookstores but I don't seem to be able to get the right assessment books to cater to their needs. All the assessment books are catered for the intelligent kids, WHAT HAPPEN TO THE EM3s? Why are they forgotten by publishers? WHY WHY WHY?!

TGIF

Well, goodness off coz Friday is finally here. However, I have a lot of things of do this weekend. How good can that be? I have to run a few errands after school today for tomorrow's feast at home. Have to be at home tomorrow for the feast. And before I know it, it will be Sunday again. And preparations for work the next day as well as my tuition. How sad life can be....so again, like many weeks before, I dont have much fun on a weekend!

CONVOCATION: Family

CONVOCATION: Friends

The moments in time

These are my moments of glory....with my loved ones, my family and my friends....more pics to come after my graduation on 24th July. At the moment, the pictures during the investiture:


My buddies and I


My family


My friends


My friends and I


My family and I


My friends and I

Dear....

Dear...
You stood by me when everyone thought I've failed
You never gave up even during the darkest hour
You always stand strong besides me
You are my strength, my pillar

You provide me with priceless knowledge
For without you,
I am incomplete

You are my treasure
My precious diamond
My dear mummy

Thanks for everything

Finally...

Yep, its finally Investiture tomorrow...not really excited about it....dunno why. However, very much looking forward to it, coz I can finally leave work early...hehe...nah...not loafing around...coz I need to attend my graduation....and most importantly meet my buddies....it feels sooooo long since we last hang out and crap about anything and everything. Everyone seems to be bogged with work these days...sadly...so end up having very little time to even meet online. So tomorrow my darlings, we shall all meet up....the self-absorbed people...hehe...will have our own congregation in the later part of the day....yeah we have to work on Wednesday...but what the heck....we gonna have fun...how little it may be...and how costly it may be...espcially for our sleep....we shall meet and have fun...all of us....and babes...and ya...the single hunk in the group...we shall all go somewhere to take pictures...lotsa pictures one of these days...sooooo fun...soo looking forward to that...I'm already thinking of a few places we can all have our pictures taken...all superbly nice....and ju...she is planning to maybe drive....so if everyone trust he ability to drive, maybe we can all fork out a little and share the cost of the rental of the car...and have a rendevous together during one of the weekends...till tomorrow 11 July 2006....cheerios darlings...see you all tomorrow and I am sure we are all looking forward to 24 July. That is something I look forward to soooo much...so fun....so syiok...hehe...alrite...shall go now...before I start blabbering nonsense!

I've sold my life to the devil

What a pity! This life is no longer mine. It has been taken away from me, the devils, their fault, life has become worse as the day passes. Now, I dont even have a minute for myself. Like now I have turned into a devil myself....and I am hating myself for this....I'm not treating my friends as equals. I no longer have time for them. A 5 min chit chat is also hardly to come by now. Thinking abt what to write is also getting more difficult...oh no....my mind is blocked....its all because of the monsters...sucking my blood. Soon it will be drained....and I foresee a rather sad ending, I super hope it would not happen coz I dread the day...I may just take drastic action which may be detrimental to my being.

Bogged with work

If by the end of the year I am still alive and kicking, I shall count my blessings. This week has been the worst week, and sadly, the worst has yet to come. I only discovered that I have tons of work to do for my dept and level. I need to actually check about 300 species of plants. How the hell I am going to do that, I seriously have no idea. Next, I was informed I have to work like hell the next few days for the Excel Fest. I don't care, I shall have some break. I will try and go out on Fri but sadly, I predict Sat is definitely out since I have to send the kids back to school and bring all the stuff back to school as well. Then during the meeting today, another news came. I am going to be in charge of the non-core dept website, me, who hates computer, is going to be in-charge of that....imagine....then, if that isnt bad enough, my class is chosen for blogging. The kids in my class will definitely love this. I had this in mind even when I was in NIE, however, I never thought I would have to do it weekly, its kinda stress to have to go according to the plan coz I feel blogging is something one does when one feels like writing, and not forced into. I will try and encourage writing to the kids, hopefully it is a success. Luckily, my class is not the only group, the other EM3 class will be doing with us as well...maybe this could improve the kids writing and tehy are able to express themselves better through blogging...so I shall give it my best shot. I know this is neverending, I chose the line, so I shall serve my time appropriately and please God, ensure I do not make a blunder out of this.

Disappointment

Untrue to tell you I am fine
Coz I am not
Untrue to tell you I am okay
Coz it is just pretense

Lying to tell you I am alrite
When you asked
Lying to tell you I am solid
When I am at rock-bottom

I dont wish to pretend
I dont wish to falter
But I know you will bent
And everything will alter

I dont wish for changes
I want it as it is
But I also know my wishes
Is not in God's list

I just cant sit
Coz my life dont not fit
Even when I have the wit
We can never hit